Day six of my juice fast pic.twitter.com/xrAJb0ovmW

I know I don't have a vote, but I wish Jason Sudeikis' dancing character in "What's up with that" got its own sketch. No dialogue. #SNL

My problem is I can't stay mad. I always end up forgiving people, even when they don't deserve it.

Remember before Instagram, when you could politely lie to your friends about your plans for the night without them catching you?

#Kony2012

What were people excited about before pretzel nubs filled with peanut butter?

I would buy the new Vampire Weekend album but I'm not in a high enough tax bracket

Well basically I'm looking to get a loan for my small business, We Release Owls Into People's Houses. We release owls into people's houses.

If you find a girl that is willing to go through hell just to keep the relationship going, you really shouldn't take her love for granted.

No seriously my boyfriend is so perfect, I am so lucky.

I guess the reason I watch Game of Thrones is so I can understand 80% of tweets on Mondays.

Devils Tower at Wyoming, USA #EarthPics pic.twitter.com/a1AeFPnZb9

If you're feeling down about your life, just call a starving African kid and explain fabric softener to him.

you started to care a little too late.

Walk in teh klub liek whaddup tihs is a fien establihsmint, may I pls speek wit teh ownr I wuld liek 2 personaly tahnk him for a greet klub