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"Hold my beer. I'm going to deep-fry the turkey."
-- Last words, Florida Man
My famous turkey recipe for Thanksgiving. Step one: pick out your perfect turkey. Step two: swallow whole. Prep time: 1 min Cook time: 0 min
Be thankful for all the immigrants who harvested the food you’re stuffing your fat face with.
What means the most to me today is every single company I've ever ordered anything from emailing me "Happy Thanksgiving!"
Nothing says "happy Thanksgiving" like an email reminder that your next student loan payment is due
someone asked my god daughter what was new and she answered "well, I'm still alive". She's 8.
Megan Trainor is like if the sassy girl you used to work with at Express just randomly had a singing career
The best way to carve a turkey is with a lightsaber