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REPORTER: Marshawn, do you-
MARSHAWN LYNCH: You know why I'm here
ME: did Bush do 9/11
ML: Now that's an interesting question. You see steel
Q. How does Skrillex travel around underwater?
A. in a wubmarine
[portrays chris kyle as conscience stricken hero] this is good
[gives the ghostbusters titties] nooOoOo
Amazing Local Dog Who Dialled 911 To Report Intruder Eating Garbage And Pooping On Floor Now Prime Suspect In Case
i'm spiritual not alive
I never text anyone first. If you have a problem with that, feel free to text me first and we can talk about it.
"Haha" - me, lying
There are dogs out there learning how to drive cars and mine is over here humping a shoe.
[chasing after train because the girl that got away is on it]
[45 seconds pass]
STOP RUNNING I'LL CALL YOU WHEN I GET THERE
[wife returns from overnight work trip]
"Why's there 2 dirty wine glasses??"
[flashback to romantic dinner w/ dog]
...it was another woman