Hola. pic.twitter.com/eKDjAfFgGs

Everything is going to be alright, maybe not today, but eventually.

AT LEAST once a week I piss into a bottle or cup in my car. I live a full life & I refuse to slow down.

"Why did you create mosquitoes?" A better question is "Why did you create people?" Answer: to feed the mosquitoes.

I'm that guy at Sasquatch Fest who looks like a NARC. pic.twitter.com/KLFWMVu8q4

Let's see who rules Twitter!

Short VS Tall

Retweet: 5'6 and under
Favorite: 5'7 and over

David Stern, "From this point on, Lebron turnovers count as two points for the Heat."

Lebron two turnovers in the last two possessions of a playoff game. You know, just like Jordan. #Lebroff

Nobody understands Me.

Porn name semi-finalists:

1) Bun Direction
2) Joseph Sword-and-Sweat-It
3) Tanning Taint (Um…?)
4) Randy Jackson

Amazing Chicago skyline at Twilight, USA #EarthPics pic.twitter.com/Kbl7spTFNr

Thank god I have you because I don't think that anyone else could put up with me like you can.

Permanently stuck between

”I really want to talk to you"

&

“I don’t want to annoy you”.

It honestly scares the shit out of me to even think about losing you.

You Out, Sis? RT "@amandabynes: I need Nicki Minaj's wig person stat! :P"