but if we have a mutual why dont you favourite this for an indirect

Wife worried. Apparently at 2AM I sat up in bed & rage-screamed, "'TOSSED SALAD AND SCRAMBLED EGGS'? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?"

Hey!! Thanks for the Teen Choice Awards nominations!!

After you click "not now" on a software update, really stick it to your computer by doing a few bars of "Cat's in the Cradle."

Just did the math on sharing. No.

"911, what's your emergency?" "Arrested Development isn't on yet." "Sir, that's not an emergency." "I'm white." "We're sending someone now."

Black people love fried chicken. Because they are human beings with working taste buds.

Why can't you just tell me what you feel, because how you act is confusing me.

Thich Quang Duc, a Buddhist monk, burns himself to death to protest against religious persecution. Saigon, 1963 pic.twitter.com/6VODBxzBv8

if you're Italian, it's perfectly legal to go into any Olive Garden and start breaking shit

Imagine proudly telling your grandchildren about the celebrities you bullied on twitter

Any agnostic who retweets this has a 50% chance of going to hell for eternity.

Super Mario - what a Lad pic.twitter.com/4wEYV1AouZ

Freddie Mercury a hombros de Darth Vader. Houston, 1989. pic.twitter.com/jQ5KsbCTPa

RT if you agree! pic.twitter.com/doqMrR13DC