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when a dude touches me in conversation it sets off something primal in me: the suspicion that he read a book about dating
Hey, companies. No one has their confirmation number. You're the company, you do the work.
My doctor suggested I give up coffee, but I need that energy to dig a grave for the doctor I just killed.
meeting the Kool-Aid Man is an exciting experience until you realize there are like 3 drowned kids floating inside of him
I never wish I was a lollipop more than when I use one of the tubes at the bank drive-thru.
Just applied for a transfer.
Do you have an iPad!? Check out my favorite game Checkpoint Madness HD! https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/checkpoint-madness-hd/id530052818?mt=8 … #MomentsOfWonder
Told a woman "baby let's live tonight like tomorrow won't come" & she left to reconcile w/ her parents, from whom she had been estranged.
Who's online? Favorite this tweet for a follow back. :)