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January 2013: this will be my year
December 2013: maybe not.
I never get drunk. I'm always drunk. I occasionally get sober.
My resume is just a list of how many pants I own and how many of those pants I trust.
Arrested Development soothes me. I've seen every episode enough times to know what's happening even if I'm not looking at the screen.
BJP: Happy with victory.
AAP: Happy with debut.
Congress: Happy because TheseElectionsAreNotAReflectionOnRahulGandhi'sLeadership.
If you wear enough khaki you can actually just live at the zoo.
Well done AAP. Even Sachin Tendulkar only scored 15 on debut.
Whoever is in charge of El Pollo Loco, hello, contact me, I have three words for your employee uniform shirts: El Polos Loco
i once did a can crush for beebee and it was with a PBR can and he was unimpressed and said “that’s kmart beer” thats how i learned my place
A gay deer walks out of a bar and says, "man, I can't believe I blew 50 bucks."
I just laughed so hard at one of my own jokes in a cold room I had to use my inhaler! I am the future!