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i forgot to tell you guys that yesterday i saw a google glass guy on a bike and he said "OK GLASS" and then almost drove into a big plant
some people r mean and rude just cause they wana be. but i mean froyo and pizza exist so why complain
*closes bible* Oh hello there.
[yelling over gunshots to my army bud as we crouch in blown out school] You ever play any computer games? Like on Steam? Yeah me neither lol
It really upsets me that in the middle of California's worst drought in centuries, I still see people here drinking water.
I'm not worried about dying alone I'm worried about living with someone
Thank you so much !!!! I love you guys. Thanks for the support!
THE HOTTEST GUY EVER KEEPS MAKING EYES AT ME ON THE TRAIN
so instead of talking to him im just gonna tweet about it
It's easier to get a marriage license than a driver's license but marriage ruins way more lives than driving
Hey I don't know if you can tell because of my ponytail, but I own several non-mammalian pets.
jacking off was invented in 1973 by Terry Jackoff
how do I tell my cat he has a drinking problem
"That'll be $84."
[we burst out laughing]
"Just kidding, it's on the house."