My daughter Mona has the thickest mustache on her gymnastics team.

If River Song was an actual song, she'd be gangnam style. Because everyone kinda hates her but she's fu*king everywhere.

Doctor Who SPOILER:

The Doctor becomes addicted to meth and has a meltdown: pic.twitter.com/ZLLJRty45f

damn girl are you a tree because i want to repeatedly hit you with an axe

So who wants a S/O "shout out"?

FAV si te gusto la foto. pic.twitter.com/FenlVbqlqX

John Deeres and ice cold beers. Merica.

Interior design shows

Someone just left me a voicemail. Can't wait to get around to listening to it in 3 weeks.

If you think about it, my wife has already won two Powerballs.

Much respect to this kid on a Segway tour w/ his fam wearing a Slayer tee that says 'DO YOU WANT TO DIE?'. You rule pic.twitter.com/88R4IaI1Zi

I made it better pic.twitter.com/W4lo6117Nb

this just came up on my timeline

w h a t pic.twitter.com/Wb6jYskDJe

Somehow women make a new friend every week while guys just know the same six people their entire lives.

If my children are ever rude to me I'm gonna kick them in the face.

Watch out kids. Dad's home. And he has new shoes.