Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
100% of car accidents happen within exactly five miles of something. If you're within five miles of anything right now, move.
That song where the guy's like "I'm gonna marry her anyway?" Now that's a GOOD song. *jumps off cliff. None of the alligators wanna eat me.*
ATMs should require you to pass a breathalyzer before you can make a withdrawal after midnight.
Portland: a city with no Lyft drivers but everyone looks like a Lyft driver.
My great great great great great great grandfather: i harvest the land for sustenance
me: i have to post online every day for some reason
Coworker asked if I have any Aleve. I was like buddy I wish you’d aleve me alone. I didn’t say it but I thought it. This is a good post.
RT if you are literally George Costanze