Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Me to caller: How did you pay off your debt? Him: I found this place called work, the more you go there the more money they give you.
Lunchables are a great way to let your kids know that you love them but not too much.
Sitting on a train with a family of Asian dudes. They all pulled out bananas and gave me a banana.
We're having a banana party 🍌🎉
I wonder if you miss talking to me.
*politely deletes ignored tweets*
Smoking three cigarettes at a time when drunk
I love that Red Hot Chili Peppers song about Scott Tissue.
The harder a person is on the outside......the softer the stuff on the inside that it's protecting.
lets stay up all night and figure out a way to make sure the sun stays down
When I see someone with an umbrella, I just assume they got tired of carrying their giant cocktail.