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if only Owen Wilson's nose could talk
Birds sure seem pretty stupid until you see pigeon shit on a Hummer.
If I hear a song I like, I will listen to it 470 times in a row by myself like a normal person.
Jesus Saves... well that's pretty Jewish of him. ;)
Good luck making the Instagram most viewed page if you're not an adorable Japanese teenager eating frozen yogurt.
It's hard to fall asleep because I don't trust myself to not die.
Do you ever feel like you're the friend everybody secretly hates?
PROFE, NO VORRE, PARA PROFE PARA, NO VORR... AMDA A LA RE KOMCHA BERGA DE TU MADRE ORTIVA, HAORA NO KOPIO NADA. WEE CE RE KALEMTAVA EL ALESI
It’s pretty stupid how tube socks come in a resealable bag as if I’m not going to eat them all in one sitting.
Before marrying someone, you have to ask yourself, "will they be a good killing partner during the zombie apocalypse?"