A sign in the window reads CURED MEATS. Inside, a salami takes his first steps since the accident. A prosciutto learns to forgive.

hoh my god look at this super futuristic badass space car thing i seen at the airport holy shit like mad max pic.twitter.com/Q76enqYzyq

but what does Jesus do when he wants to swim

Legally changing my name to Target so my wife will love me more.

Skyline of Dubai at night under a blanket of fog, UAE #EarthPics pic.twitter.com/i7VGnpHy7w

Three day weekend in the chamber. Or “threekend,” if you will. More like “freak end” the way I do it!! #party #NoRules #USA #hanjob

Aye, I got you a dollar.

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Ooooo you almost had it .. you gotta be quicker than that!

Three Princeton students after a boxing match. 1893. pic.twitter.com/8DJuOTtW4C

Ross: What are you doing?
Chandler: Making chocolate milk. You want some?
Ross: No thanks, I'm 29.

ok guys making jokes about Amanda Bynes right now is like watching a person drown and yelling that their shirt is stupid

.@realdonaldtrump @dannyzucker It's @dannyzuker. It's not as easy to remember because I don't tackily plaster it all over buildings

the way he covers his body is the cutest thing in the world pic.twitter.com/v77QsUbBeK

If Jerry Lewis thinks women aren't funny he clearly doesn't read every 17th tweet of mine.

REMEMBER WHEN ZAYN TWEETED THIS SAYING "enjoying my view ;)" AND THEN HE DELETED IT IM LAUGHING SO HARD pic.twitter.com/MZINvm2x0f

.@realdonaldtrump Is this television pro the same one who helped you make a video for the RNC that was so awful even THEY wouldn't show it?