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Everybody's first tweet is about the character limit.
If you play heavy metal records backwards Satan brags about the time he put a finger in my butt.
Her: I haven't dated anyone since my husband died protecting me from an explosion
Me: [long and audible sigh]
who is summer diet? idk her
Detective: did he look like a bad guy
Clerk: he was wearing a leather jacket & smoking a cig
D: Oh he sounds bad alright
You guys correcting me and saying they’re called “katanas” are just proving my point…
One time I was in a McDonald's drive thru w/ my grandma & she started ordering into one of those longneck trash can. It was the best ever.
rt if im dad
fav if im dad
The number of samurai swords you own is directly proportional to the length of your pony tail.
U ever been locked up while rocking a linen short set and sandals? U gonna have a nickname within 5 mins my G.