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If it wasn't for breakfast I would just hit the snooze button until I died.
People should come equipped with a snooze alarm that you can push when you just need them to stop for a few minutes
my name is Timmy, I'm 8. for Christmas I want a skateboard, xbox, and some goddamn answers about Benghazi
I read that .000018% of cappuccinos with a decorative swirl go un-Instagrammed.
*i come home with a massive pair of jeans in a jewelery box*
"HE WENT TO JARED!!!"
turn ons: free pizza
people who drink soda in the A.M. - are you okay? im here if you need to talk
I always keep the price tag on gifts so people know the minimum they need to spend on me.
The word "epic" has lost all meaning.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology researchers think they’ve devised the hardest ever tongue twister: ‘Pad kid poured curd pulled cold’.
mood: buy me pizza