Respect for the Legends pic.twitter.com/pUVTwGzOtP

Let Me be your rock. Then throw Me at someone.

"Did your dad hug you at least once a year, or do you want one of the loud ones?" -motorcycle salesmen

"A bunch of us are grabbing drinks after work." "Yeah, sorry, I only hang out with you if I'm getting paid."

Being more excited to see their dogs than their parents for summer break

Snorting things prescribed to be taken orally

Denying their own ancestors' Genocidal tendencies

Liverpool fans... pic.twitter.com/b5tp8ROXrs

Every place the Kool-Aid Man goes is a hole-in-the-wall

"@official_edl: ****CONFIRMED WE HAVE BEEN SUBJECT TO A TERROR ATTACK BY ISLAM, WE ARE CURRENTLY UNDER ATTACK****"

You're not in Star Wars

Is Laura Bush the world’s most famous goth?

Yeah, offseason workouts include crushing biceps 6 days a week and wheeling supermodels in my hot tub #HotWheelsHeatley

an Abercrombie greeter smiled at me and I didn't know what to do so I threw my Jamba Juice at him

Survival tips:
•Tape 9 raisins together to form a "raisin tube"
•Trust me: panic
•Capture a rabbit to cuddle with until help arrives

You & me: pic.twitter.com/KmLaNMK3sL