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Faithful girls cry the MOST...
My favorite kind of hiking is the kind where I don't go.
I just unfollowed Taylor Swift, I'm expecting a song within an hour.
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
Get in the van.
Give a man a fish, feed him for a day. Teach a man about Phish, he'll smoke weed for a lifetime.
Hearing "I miss you" from the right person >>>>>
I saw a bottle of dish soap in the shower & asked my mom what it was for & she looked at me & said "Your dad washes himself with dish soap"
my favorite part of my cellphone is when the screen goes dark for a half-second and I see my 19 chins in my reflection then cry for 2 hours.
A man is only as good as the beard that wears him. Merica.
Millions of sperm raced to fertilize the egg that made my daughter. Reading her report card, I can't believe the best one won.