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Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is basically Saw, but with desserts.
I seriously can't wait to get married one day & have a cute house & cute kids
Beers, boobies and beaches. Merica.
What idiot called them coffins and not mourning wood
Xbox One Kinect is going to be on all the time. An always-on camera in your home run by a major corporation? What could go wrong?
The way characters in horror movies feel when the phone rings is the way I always feel when the phone rings.
This Memorial Day weekend, please remember those who died defending America as you pass out in a pool of vomit at your neighbor's barbecue.
I got interviewed by the Boston Globe. They are nice. http://www.bostonglobe.com/arts/2013/05/23/with-daily-grace-videos-comedian-grace-helbig-builds-fan-base-online/ntPCVNQ4X4WG0SrkjFNCvK/story.html …
Let's turn this Pizza Hut into a pizza home.
Take a look in the envelope. That's right, it's every poem you ever wrote in high school. Just get me the cash, or I go public.
“There are no guarantees. There are no gimmes. You have to make sure you’re at your best & even [then] it doesn’t guarantee anything”-Crosby
My kids said the robot voice in the bridge of "Get Lucky" sounds like "we'll rub a Mexican monkey" & now I can't hear it any other way
"He's no longer updating iTunes." - A very modern way of saying someone died