For animals with an "amazing sense of smell" dogs sure do sniff piles of turds for a long time before realizing "Whoops, these are turds"

ATTENTION HOLLYWOOD: Any producers needing music for main characters' first kiss, my song "Welcome to Boner City" is still available.

i think twitter is for laughing, crying, and information.

If you're not ashamed of yourself after eating cheese dip you're not doing it right.

Dear Mom, because of you I am what I am today, thank you, I love you.

It's sad nobody bothered to ask what that MGM lion was roaring about the beginning of movies.

Life is a cup in their hands yet we feel like freaks stuck with this disease that is revealed

Girls be like "Just did my nails" pic.twitter.com/tYwHxiU5if

That one person you just cannot stay mad at 😍😡😤😘❤

if you turn off the lights and say "twerking out" in the mirror 3 times, amanda bynes will appear and throw a bong at you.

FAV mis followers mexicanas.

Saying the term "douchebag"

All I really want is for my son to be happy when he grows up. And to never ever be the guy who brings his guitar to a party.

"i've made a grave mistake" - me getting buried alive

Mansions in California are amazing. pic.twitter.com/arvzykQZ1l