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I wish you could go on a honeymoon 10 years after you're married instead of 10 minutes. You're so much better at vacationing together later.
"Awwww, did somebody leak your photos, modern celebrity? Fans can be weird sometimes, I guess." John Lennon, heaven.
Remember, always get involved.
Remember, never get involved.
Ladies, if you don't get a good morning text today...good morning
If you have today off, thank a union member.
If you don't know any union members, thank a Republican.
People who leak nude photos of people online should have their entire prison sentences live-streamed online for the same audiences
During WW2 the US Navy diving manual contained detailed instructions for what to do if eaten by a giant clam.
Dear Sleep, I’m happy we got back together, but would it kill you if we could sleep in at least one time on days when we can. Thanks babe.
If you're behind me in this Starbucks line right now please stop bumping into me