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When I hold my cheeks apart to quiet a fart as I lie next to my sleeping wife, I call the resulting noise "the angel's whisper"
have fun at school in a few hours (-;
This girl favorited 15 tweets, I DMed her and said "thank you babe". She got mad. Someone explain this.
Reason I haven't tried out for American Ninja Warrior yet is that I can't find the right outfit
Can someone go in the other room and get my phone charger? DO I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING!!
beyonce should have named her baby betwice ha ha. instead of naming it north west
torn between reading a book and writing one
if you ever feel alone just remember that you're probably going to die that way too
there are tons of rude people on earth but there is also tons of bengal tigers! maybe hand a happy note with a pic of a tiger 2 some1 rude
Jesús is my friend, he is alive and i love him 😃
Sometimes when I'm feeling really impatient I just remind myself that in 1997 it took like 3 minutes for boobie pictures to download.
coming out the womb rly set me up for continuing to do things I don't wanna do