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My wife’s Bettie Page tramp stamp looks like Danny Trejo when she forgets to shave.
Hipsters smoke American Spirits because Indians were into America way before anyone else.
Tornados can destroy homes, but not our spirit. Merica.
retweet if you want a follow :--) fave if your hilarious.
Just found out lobsters are immortal. Google it. Only die of external circumstances. Don't know which way is up anymore.
what base is it when he throws up on the hood of your car
Putting in a dip while cleaning
Holy shit I am so in love with my boyfriend.
Couples that smoke together, stay together 😙🍃💨
*asks ouija board what’s for dinner*
*finger slides to the d*
99% sure the guy who invented self-checkout was buying underwear for his kids.
Every girl deserves a guy who can make her forget that her heart was ever broken.