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Digiorno pizza just favorited my tweet about bread
This year for Halloween I'm going as a grown-ass woman giving out candy
*spends years climbing mountain where wise man lives*
Oh wise one I-
*wise man shushes me*
You are the wise man now
SIGNS YOUR SURGEON IS COOL
Wears fingerless gloves in operating room
Stubs out cigarette on your spleen
Says "beer me"
Mask is a ball gag
Peace and Love ✌️☺️
"I'm gonna be late."
[wedges phone between shoulder & cheek whilst drawing a shark fighting a lion]
"911 what is your emergency?"
It's my dad. He's been watching a lot of Fox News lately and sometimes he nods along like he's at a concert
Never tell a girl to calm down. It just makes her more angry.
Greetings. Wellington Boyce here. Please revine my latest upload, That Feel When Your Parents Ask If You Did Your Homework.
Pumpkin Spice is the "Jesus" of Spices...
Everyone praises it around the holidays...But no one give a shit about it the other 11 months
Help I've fallen and I cant stop dunking on dorks