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is this a zit or am i dying
[gets pulled over by cop]
"Sir, are you the equator?"
me - [clearly passing through The Democratic Republic of Congo]
Join the Dark Side, we have Mondays off
[reading Harry Potter]
Me: Do you know what's going on?
3-year-old: He went to lizard school.
I'd correct her, but her version is better.
Life is hard, use the force
There are 109 days until the Force Awakens