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I'm like the Kylie Jenner of eating Triscuits.
The way things are going it’s only a matter of time until we learn the Blue’s Clues guy was a serial killer.
The millenials I work with are morons! It's like, sorry I don't speak "GIF," Kayden!
When in doubt, use the force
a guy in my MI5 screening scoffed at michael bay's name in the benghazi trailer as if we didn't just pay $14 to see tom cruise grab a plane
Lamps are straight up killin' it in the makin' rooms brighter game.
seems like hairy armpits/legs r "alt" but we r still scared of hair on our stomachs, nipples, upper lip, outside of designated bikini line
Every time an Uber driver laughs at one of my jokes, it feels like an exciting preview for what real love is like.
E.E cumming on her face, now that's poetry in motion
good luck on your auditions tomorrow thespians and remember, Judge Judy has a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and Max Von Sydow does not