Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
*turns chair around backwards and sits in it* Guys, the M in ATM already stands for "machine" so stop calling it an ATM Machine.
Lost everything on the ponies down at the track paying the jockeys to let me feed them apples.
My wife's favorite time to start a conversation with our kids is three seconds after she gets me on the phone.
If I win this Jeopardy tournament, I am never buying store brand syrup again.
Good night, Lindsay Lohan.
search continues for local man surprised by large butterfly in his peripheral vision
the key to happiness is a large pizza
I've been hitting the snooze button since Monday.
Join the Dark Side, we have a Death Star
continued exposure to me and my twitter account will cause irreparable damage to your life and well being