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Curiosity either killed or did not kill Schrödinger's cat.
What were people excited about before pretzel nubs filled with peanut butter?
If you find a girl that is willing to go through hell just to keep the relationship going, you really shouldn't take her love for granted.
No seriously my boyfriend is so perfect, I am so lucky.
I guess the reason I watch Game of Thrones is so I can understand 80% of tweets on Mondays.
If you're feeling down about your life, just call a starving African kid and explain fabric softener to him.
you started to care a little too late.
Walk in teh klub liek whaddup tihs is a fien establihsmint, may I pls speek wit teh ownr I wuld liek 2 personaly tahnk him for a greet klub
BREAKING: The Heat have swept the Indiana Pacers.
Give a toddler Goldfish, feed him for a day. Teach a toddler to get his own Goldfish, feed him for a lifetime.
Drinking a beer while taking a shit.
Why we don't refer to writing as "going number 3" I have no idea