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Southwest Airlines: The Hunger Games of the skies!
2 cartons of Ribena all to myself.
Just got a gym membership because I feel like regretting something in three months
"If you love something, set it free..."
Unless it's a man...
Cause he'll get lost...
And you know he won't ask for directions...
Why Ice Cube tried to sue the ice bucket challenge
There's no such thing as too much Star Wars
Killing a Beatle gotta be like treason to white ppl
Losing followers when you don't tweet for a while is like when someone gets mad at you because you wronged them in a dream they had.
FAREED ZAKARIA: I vehemently deny Crumby Bumbo's accusations. I'm a scholarly man and Barfo Blompy's claims are completely baseless.
Lady: Cigarettes kill ya know
Me: WHAT? *makes pretend phone call* Is this the President of Science? Sir you're not gonna believe this...