i grow more powerful every day and by powerful i mean sad

"Oh snap!" - branches

if you turn off the lights and say "twerking out" in the mirror 3 times, amanda bynes will appear and throw a bong at you.

FAV mis followers mexicanas.

Saying the term "douchebag"

All I really want is for my son to be happy when he grows up. And to never ever be the guy who brings his guitar to a party.

I think every girl needs to read this. pic.twitter.com/TV8aq9beDM

Mansions in California are amazing. pic.twitter.com/arvzykQZ1l

why is it that like 99.9% of girls look thin and cute in over sized shirts but i look like a beanbag

No feelings, no problem.

I bet Amanda Bynes was like "NO DON'T USE THAT AS MY MUGSHOT ONLY USE ONE OF MY TWITTER PICTURES AS MY MUGSHOT" when they took her mugshot.

This poop feels way better knowing we're still in the playoffs.

#WhenIGetMarried divorce is not an option. We're going to smoke out our disagreements.

Drank a Keystone Light & now my wife's a cousin.

9/11Conspiracy
Biggie=sang about WTC bombing
Biggie=shot
Ammunition rhymes w Ignition
Ignition=R.Kelly has a Lexus
Lexus=Texas
Texas=BUSH!?