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Why are all the good ones either married, gay, or turned off by your numerous physical and emotional flaws?
Sometimes you just gotta whip out the D and see what happens.
the day my crush likes me back is going to be the day victorias secret calls me and asks me to model for them
Looking gay with earrings
Only three things in life are guaranteed: death, taxes, and briefly dating Taylor Swift.
Don t worry if you are not computer
btw if you're against gay marriage, in like 10 years you'll be considered the same as racists, so i'd jump ship and join team equality now
Going to drink beer and do various household chores today, including the assembly of a BBQ.
What sucks is that the person who wins $600 million is gonna be the kind of person who buys lottery tickets.
Women are like snowflakes...cold and horrible
do you ever wish that you could just unmeet someone
Winning X-Games events
If I won the Powerball the first thing I’d do is buy an entire cart of groceries at Whole Foods.