Not a joke: I'm about to do a set at the Laugh Factory & Steve Wozniak just rode up to the club on a Segway & sat in the 3rd row.

Girls have periods, cramps, babies, and everything else. the least a guy could do is text us first lol

My babe, is my babe. Therefore, don't look, touch, wink, wave, stare, flirt, compliment, hold, mention, text, anything. That's my job.. 😐😶👌

if I am elected President gay people get to marry each other & girls whose hair is that grayish purple color get to serve in my cabinet

If the Spurs win tonight we expect Tim Duncan to party hard afterwards, with a glass of warm milk and a good book.

Hey Miami I got you a championship
🎣👴
🏆
🙋
Ooooo you gotta be quicker than that..

RT for Miami Heat, FAV for spurs!

Lebron always wanted to be a pornstar, but he just couldn't make it because he doesn't know how to finish.

Ray Allen faked being hurt after getting beat. He's officially a member of the #Heat.

Hey Miami I got you a championship
🎣👴
🏆
🙋
Ooooo you gotta be quicker than that..

I said "horror." MT ‏@realdonaldtrump Met a Twitter hater last night (well known). He said, "Mr. Trump, it is an honor to meet you sir!"

Never understood why NBA players don't dunk on every play. Just dunk it! You're so tall.

this sumer.... ghandi & the hulk team up to figt crime....... in............

........ the fast & the furious

Joey Crawford is one of the "premiere" officials in the league the way that Hitler was a really great public speaker.

RT for Spurs Fav for heat