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After 30 years I still can't figure out how to pronounce "I'm a lesbian" so it doesn't sound like "keep bothering me."
This bathroom stall was quite a find. Not only does the toilet paper come in a book but it also has its own phone and a view of the city.
Thank God for the time change! My family depends on the extra hours our kids spend in the fields, nuturing cannabis & de-cowpatting shrooms.
I'm no psychologist, but I'm pretty sure the only way to alleviate the guilt of eating a peanut butter cup is by eating 15 more.
I can guarantee my boss will never ask me "What's up YOUR ass?" again.
The look on his face when those anal beads came out, was priceless!
The look on his face when those anal beads came out, was priceless!
Just ordered a Filet-O-Fish sandwich to go. I give it approximately three minutes before my car smells like Lilith Fair.
It's the little things that make life so beautiful, like when a baby steps on a cat and they both go fucking apeshit.
Oh sure, you dip lobster in butter and you're "classy" but I dip my cheeseburger in butter and I'm "fat".
Things that just weren't meant to be heated in a microwave: lettuce, mustaches, avocados, sarcasm, other microwaves, oranges. And that's it.
Report: "Gosselin Kids 'Depressed' By Kate's Dancing with the Stars Appearance."
It's no picnic for us either, kids.
It's no picnic for us either, kids.
No school today, so I'm letting the kids choose where we spend the day. (Please pick the liquor store, please pick the liquor store... )
My cat complains when I drive him to the vet, but we always end up stopping behind Red Lobster "just for a second" whenever he drives.
First rule of Tickle-Fight Club: Do not tell your mommy, your daddy, or your constituents about Tickle-Fight Club.
Just heard a colleague say "muffin" so I shouted "MUFFINS!", except she was just using a pet name and long story short she's dead.
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