Short girls are the cutest!

If you say Toby Keith in front of a mirror three times a bald eagle in cut-offs shows up carrying a six pack of Coors Light.

"I've got to go. My Cornetto is melting up my arm" is the best excuse ever for ending a phone call.

I feel stupid for liking you.

Accidentally opened GarageBand again.

MEDICAL GRADE LOL • RT @mrslethal: pic.twitter.com/PNqEKgzLqj

Bayern & United pic.twitter.com/4asR9KezSn

Bering Sea Sunset in Dutch Harbor, Alaska, USA #EarthPics pic.twitter.com/DGRqeUZjoH

I just put a 6yr old in charge of watching a 2yr old. That’s like putting a cat in charge of watching a dog.

Barca & United pic.twitter.com/2BLfs5bEvT

can i be honest? you're the only one i've ever spent this much time and effort on.

The tighter the jeans the more pretentious the coffee house order.

NPR just referred to a movie as an "eco-thriller" as if that's something that any human would ever say

AMAZING FACT: 10 years ago, Bayern Munich saved Dortmund from bankruptcy by loaning them 2 million euros.

Nuri Sahin... pic.twitter.com/MQBxiXe6MP