Ran outside mullet flowin, nips showin'. Hogtied a granola eatin' hippy, gave him a wet willy and said, "This ain't my first rodeo. Merica."

you have the presence of mind to pack a lunch every day? congratulations you terrify me

'They're like 12' is how you refer to anyone who is younger than you.

People who mark their age by saying "years-young" are old

Not being drunk is the worst 3 hours of my day.

Good morning #ChiveNation 😊 Get up, but don't get dressed! Happy #HumpDay, y'all! ✨ @thechive 💚 pic.twitter.com/Ty8JhlpJoP

The Ghost Army: The US army used inflatable rubber tanks and vehicles to deceive the Nazis. WWII pic.twitter.com/7rmLG9K4lu

Last day of school ima be like pic.twitter.com/kh2pyJ3UMx

watching one of your close friends get close to someone else and feeling like you're becoming less important to them <

2012/13 - Nani, Valencia, Young, Welbeck = 6 goals.

2012/13 - Terry, Ivanovic, David Luiz, Cahill = 27 goals

An American soldier with Joey, his pet kangaroo. 1942 pic.twitter.com/tR8MvmanZu

Creepy American History.. pic.twitter.com/bYxAgxkU01

Hell is an eternity of being sober in a room full of drunk people.

People used to imagine that 2013 would be full of flying cars but all we have is blankets with sleeves.

Pain Killers Mixed With Booze