Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Me to caller: How did you pay off your debt? Him: I found this place called work, the more you go there the more money they give you.
"Tastes pretty good. But it could use more donuts." - me as a chef
Planning Their Drinking Schedule in the Morning
Lunchables are a great way to let your kids know that you love them but not too much.
Sitting on a train with a family of Asian dudes. They all pulled out bananas and gave me a banana.
We're having a banana party 🍌🎉
I wonder if you miss talking to me.
*politely deletes ignored tweets*
Smoking three cigarettes at a time when drunk
The pain of childbirth seems like an OK trade off for how great it feels to take to your bra off.