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being born was a bad idea
evrybody reacts to bad news in differemt ways. if u tell someone their son just died theyll say things like "i dont hav kids" & "do i kno u"
Now at KFC, buy a $5 Fill Up box and get 40 whole chickens, a 1997 Honda Civic full of mashed potatoes, an actual Pepsi factory and a cookie
If she's never seen Star Wars, she's not the one
my dance style is very "Bernie from Weekend at Bernie's"
If you catch the bouquet at a wedding, it means you're going to have to throw out dead flowers in three days.
Why we gave members of the Westboro Baptist Church LSD and tricked them into watching Brokeback Mountain
Teen Beach Movie me caes mal
i just wanna disappear for a couple weeks
Don't sleep with anyone who can't parallel park in three moves
Let's be honest: Most of our friends live in our phones. But they never call.
Fruit fly, what are you doing in my apartment? You’re gonna die of starvation unless you turn into a beer fly.
pizza delivery guy
pizza delivery guy who?
cut the shit or I'm tossing this in the driveway like last week