Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Who do I speak to about having my un-followers disembowelled?
Sadly, the days of people using proper English are went.
Write down every lie you've ever told. Now have the audacity to write the truth. There it is. There's your novel.
In the next Rocky film, Sylvester Stallone beats a dead horse.
Inspirational tweet: Never doubt yourself. If you think you suck, you probably do.
Like a succubus in a rut...this could be dangerous.
The first casualty of getting older is usually idealism.
I can't be the only one who sits in the grocery store parking lot for half an hour on twitter before going inside...
DIY just isn't worth the effort. I once spent 3 months building a beautiful garden gazebo. When I went back indoors my wife had left me.
I like it when you turn my face into an amusement park ride.
I'm only 12 steps away from never drinking again..
-I'm too lazy to walk that far
When a guy says he wants to do bad things to me, I always hope he means killing me & burying my body in the woods.
One of the greatest gifts my kids have given me is my high tolerance for alcohol.
It's not about holding on to someone who has already moved on.. The greatest lesson is learning how to let go.
"It's no big deal," I said while silently plotting a revenge plan that'll take 17 years to execute, by which time you've forgotten who I am
There's nothing that says I can't Covet Thy Neighbor's Alcohol
Dave is the new guy in our office and he's friendly and talkative and we're trying to get him fired.
Let's just sit outside in lawn chairs & drink all day.
Roses are red, violets are made of toast I did too many mushrooms my wheelbarrow is a time machine
Wait for it.....................