Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you're quiet & listen very carefully, you can actually hear my middle finger.
It takes 42 muscles to frown, 52 if you include the jerk off motion and an eye roll.
My best proof-reading occurs after I hit send.
Her: So what kind of music do you listen to?
Me: Not that shit you were playing in your car earlier.
Not now. Making jerky from the bodies of unfollowers.
Kid 1 swallows coin= rush to ER
Kid 2 swallows coin= wait til it passes
Kid 3 swallows coin= deduct from allowance.
Almost went outside without my phone and now I know what it’s like to lose your child at the mall
Don't forget to lead a double life and pretend you're a big shot with a non judgmental personality and perfect life today!
Life is like a box of chocolates, sometimes things have orange goo inside
When you start seeing your worth, you find it harder to stay around people that don't
Can you please go be happy somewhere else?
Life is a perpetually-ongoing realization of how dumb you used to be.
I am no poet, but when you are in my thoughts I love to write.
"I like where this is going."
I whisper to my first glass of wine.
I understood myself, only after I destroyed myself. And only in the process of fixing myself, did I find out who I was.
Your eyebrows give me a reason to question your judgement.
Seeing all of this love circulating on here today reminds me again how beautiful you all are. As if I could forget.
If laughter is the best medicine, drug me up people!
I will wipe the slate clean a thousand times for you, but each time hurts more than the last.