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Hi, I'm 33 and I can't eat spaghetti without getting it on my shirt.
It's so stupid that Twitter's symbol for 'Search' is a frying pan.
Some people can have all the lights on and still be in the dark.
It should be legal to murder people who post quotes about *success* when they have no specific plan for their own lives.
Congratulations on your internet fame! Now table six could really use some more coffee.
Fantasy Football? Is that like Fantasy Dating?
Asking for a friend
Dear Registered Organ Donors,
I seriously love you! Yesterday, my Dad received a new kidney from a kind soul who gave him the gift of life.
We are Far away in Distance yet too Close...
Sooooo... Do you ever press charges?
I'm Asian, but not understand what the girl who's doing my nails is saying Asian
Does sprinting away from this bee across the highway make these crocs look cool?
If by "want you" you mean to go away then ya I want you
I'm "my vehicle came with an ashtray and lighter" years old.
I'm too drunk to be assembling furniture bought from the internet at 4am.
Lol JK, this is gonna be the best inside tree house ever.
Not gonna stop wooing her. Ever. Not my style.
Stop explaining yourself. People will hear what they want to hear.
I like big NUTS n my pecan pie u other bakers cant deny When a treat comes n with a crust too thin & the crumbs get on my chin It gets FLUNG
I'm just a boy standing in front a fancy paper towel dispenser with a motion sensor wondering why science hasn't cured cancer yet.
Intelligence might be a beautiful anthropology dress. But wisdom is it's highest embellishment.
I fight most battles in my own head...