Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
The only privacy left is inside your head.
I only use elevators for one thing. Surprise group hugs.
Those who wish for you to lose are already lost.
- I sing as the mice drag my underwear into the corner of the room to build a nest and give birth.
Douchebag: U wanna fight?
Me: Vague question. If u mean do I wanna fight cavities usin th toothpaste 4 out of 5 dentists recommend then yes
[Error: Passwords must match]
Anyone can break the headboard, if you didn't break the footboard you're doing it wrong.
A lot of attractive people are like nice cars with the check engine light on.
Its easy in the beginning, the staccato heartbeats, the chase
But the ones that last can sit in silence together and feel that same flutter
I guess the only time you pray for amnesia is when your memories are both painful and beautiful and you just want to erase the painful ones!
Sometimes I come to the twitter to see if there are still a few sane people in the woods.
A sign language interpreter at a Trump rally just wildly swinging around both middle fingers in all directions as he speaks.
The worst thing about being black is when you call a white guy "brother" in a friendly way and his face lights up like he's in the club now.
9: [Whispers] Why do we have to keep sitting & standing and sitting & standing...
Me: [Whispers] So we don't fall asleep
Find someone who likes your crazy.
Because that means they’re crazier than you.
Just typed the words 'the shocker' in a company wide memo. Now I'll be under my desk. Snickering. Like a 12 year old. Until further notice.
Most drug-sniffing dogs refuse to admit they have a problem
Woman covered in a pound of makeup- "I don't trust men."
I grow stronger.
Some days it's a leap other days it's barely a step.
I know where I'm headed and it's forward. Someday I won't look back.
I'm white but not "I enjoy paying five times more for organic produce" white.