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twitter = words without friends
@sbellelauren
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Feel my handsome jawline with your soft palms-its firmness makes you brute. If you'd like, I'll be your mother. And your father.
@NotTildaSwinton
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I find your complete indifference to me quite confusing.
@Aspersioncast
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I saved a ton of money on Viagra by having pigtails.
@Schmoodles
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I don't understand, why did you give him my trophy?
@Aspersioncast
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If we're talking about guilt trips, then yes, my mother is the travel agent you want to go to.
@MistookMistake
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If I had to pick my favorite kind of soup, I guess I would have to go with cereal
@bridger_w
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Goodwill is coming by tomorrow to pick up some used clothing and my Google+ page.
@WilliamAder
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This is the year I get serious about shark wrestling.
@donni
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Of course I have received splinters. I do not remove them. Small branches emerge from me and bear fruit in the shape of my face.
@NotTildaSwinton
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I never ask for dick pics. I refer to them as 'peen portraits' because I'm classy as fuck.
@Schmoodles
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If you tell a pretty girl she's smart and a smart girl she's pretty then fuck you to everyone who's ever called me both smart and pretty.
@Paxochka
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The greatest moment of my life where my wife was covered in blood and poop would have to be the birth of my children.
@DannyZuker
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We talked, we flirted, we liked each other, we never got together. You moved on, I moved on, but deep down, I loved you.
@WizdomShit
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#LiesMenTellWomen
• I Love You
• I'll always be there
• Trust Me
• I promise
@GQswaGGG
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Let's all take a minute and be thankful that we live in a world where we have the freedom to not give a fuck.
@BarebakAssassin
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There are two types of women. One will clean your clock, the other will clean your cock.
@slyoung5
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Mr Potato Head turned white with fear, when he realized all his children would be chips off the old block.
@pixelpiper
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Stop being the worst, people whose main hobby is running.
@mzeld
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Never use alcohol as a crutch. Use a crutch as a crutch. Use alcohol to escape from reality.
@TheTweetOfGod
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