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I would wreck Helen Mirren.
"Every relationship can work and be salvaged if you invest love and effort. Trust me. But not if it's with a psycho."
-grandpa just now
[super anonymous voice] time to hack north korea. just as soon as my mom gets back from the grocery store with my mountain dew
"Great! I'll see you there!" -people who aren't coming to the holiday party
Do you think Drake's mom knows the lyrics to his songs?
Happy Sunday everyone !!!! Let's make it a good day :)
if Jesus sees his shadow on Christmas day, no wait, If moses sees Jesus walk into a bar...no wait...If Santa and jesus...oh forget it.
Vox corrections for December
August does not have a 32nd "fake day"
Harry Reid is not Rudolph Hess' nephew
Shia Muslims do not worship Rah
sometimes i fall in love w/ things just because im bored
If we didn’t have twitter, facebook, instagram, vine, text, cell phones, tumblr, youtube, and all social networks, what would you be doing?
Bees have a sting because they need to protect their honey. Wasps have a sting because they're arseholes.
i tend to use "you" in poetry instead of "i" because my disassociation from abuse lives more obviously there in spaces of confrontation