Most favorited tweets, ever

all girls should feel beautiful. a real man knows to treat a lady like a queen. ur happiness comes from theirs. step up fellas. #girlrespect
A kick in the balls is above 9000 del (units) of pain which is similar to giving birth to 160 kids and breaking up to 3200 bones at a time.
"Sometimes life leaves a hundred dollar bill on your dresser, and you don't realize until later that it's because it fucked you."
Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. You ain't nothing but a hoe. U think you're cool, u think you're classy. Reality Check: You're really trashy. ;)
Live without pretending, Love without depending, Listen without defending, Speak without offending.
My internet is so slow, it's just faster to drive to the Google headquarters and ask them shit in person.
Before you talk, listen. Before you react, think. Before you criticize, wait. Before you pray, forgive. Before you quit, try.
Steve Jobs was born out of wedlock, put up for adoption at birth, dropped out of college, then changed the world. What's your excuse?
Please fave this tweet in support of Bea’s boobs and I’ll donate 10¢ for every fave to the ACS for breast cancer research.
Been on hold so long I can't remember who I called. I have a credit card out and my pants off but that doesn't really narrow it down much.
WARNING: This tweet is not for younger readers! OK, here we go. Tits.
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he'll eat for life. Give an octopus nunchuks, no one's eating fish ever again.
Waitress: 'Do u have any questions about the menu?'
Me: 'What kind of font is this?'
A few simple tips: Don't promise when you're happy, Don't reply when you're angry, and Don't decide when you're sad.
Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.
Pretty proud to say I'm probably the only kid that ever hugged Voldemort. Even if it was awkward #voldemorthuggedme