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I'm bored, think I'll go to the mall, find a great parking spot, sit in my car with my reverse lights on
If I won't do it, drunk me will
Guys, you make fun of our huge purses until the moment we're at the movies and we start pulling out candy, soda, chips, Taco Bell...
I smoke after I workout. I workout to be skinny not healthy
Cause fuck that
I always give road head, cause I automatically get control of the radio after.
Those are the rules
Guys who keep thier private parts nicely groomed...
Why are so many men suddenly curious who my father is right in the middle of our lovemaking?
Yeah but was he "lick his balls" cute?
Whenever a girl is talking too much, remind yourself that other thing she does with her mouth that you like so much. Might dull the pain ;)
If you didn't jump from the couch to the coffee table to avoid the hot lava then what kind of fucked up childhood did you have?
There is NO fight so bad that a good blow job couldn't fix
Prison's not a big deal if you're a girl cause of all the pillow fights and stuff
Just sit back, relax, and let me try to suck your eyeballs out through your cock
No gag reflex
Been doing kegels since puberty
Relaxes sphincter muscle on command
Its ironic how the last guy on earth you would ever sleep with, is the one with the most confidence at the bar to talk to you
I'm scared hold me...
With both hands...
Under my shirt
Pro tip: want to get him to notice you?
Put his cock in your mouth.
I think Twitter has crack in it
Just when I have one Twitter crush, BAM! there's 4 more that I totally wanna starfuck!
My doctor just upped my meds. I cleaned my house, worked out, fucked my bf, made dinner, went shopping, got in a fight...I love my doctor
Smile :)) It's the second best thing you can do with your lips...