You're not that important or responsible. Leave the ego and guilt at the door. Bring pie.

the revolution will not be televised. it will be planned from a toilet seat & tweeted for the world to see.

don't try to find yourself. you are never there.

"Man, you can hear the bass from that guy's car 3 blocks away !! That's fantastic. He's someone I'd like to meet !!" - no one ever

Atlas shrugged, "I don't know who that cunt is."

we are never the same person, but generally horrible and shifting ideas wrapped in meat.

I am happy for Weinergate. Now Congress is corruption-free. USA USA USA USA!!!

hello again people of earth. i am tweeting from the orion nebula. boredom is universal.

"if i had access to a time travel device i'd go back to when i was 20 just to punch myself in the dick." - never said at a PTA meeting.

3D = one more dimension in which to not like your movie.

it's just fucking twitter.

If you need more than 3 minutes at an atm, take your 20$ withdrawal & pay someone to bludgeon you.

and i'm pretty sure most of us have forgotten how to be angry. we police ourselves into believing this is the best. to stay quiet.

toilet paper rolls should be top out. happy cinco de mayo!!!

So... i've been thinking a lot lately and I've come to the conclusion that no one really knows what they're doing.

i'm not sure it's hot enough outside, but some guy named icarus just crawled up to my door looking for a glass of water.

today i definitely destroyed more than i created.

On the internet people dress savagely. In real life they do as they're told.

Traditions do humanity injustice.

Columbo is watching you masturbate. #toosoon