My status message today on the company's intranet was "a naked joke". HR didn't seem to find it funny. Joke didn't either.

We need Huey and Riley Freeman back on TV.

Pray tell, why does everyone suddenly want to be my friend on Path? Did I get popular, or did Path get popular?

Thanks to my new hairdo, I've gotten a new nickname at work. Its called Bance.

Its soul searching being the only one with my head under the dryer in a saloon full of ladies.

7 years after the fact, I just got my B.Sc. certificate yesterday

Pro Tip: Fix MySQL replication lag like a boss. Skip the next 50 million queries.

Not sure if this LASTMA dude's raging erection pointed towards oncoming traffic is doing anything to aid motorists.

Funny how Google Talk tells your friends you're idle when in fact you're busy.

Congratulations Ezra, on your first ever legitimate purchase of Microsoft Office. - Me, to me.

Pretty disappointed nobody has updated their LinkedIn profile to read their position as "Oga at the top". Chicken?

@sirkastiq And Jesus said unto him, No man, having put his hand to the plough, and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God. - Luke 9:62

I'm probably too busy enjoying the holidays. Thanks Christians.

Good to know I can doctor a tweet, attribute it to a celebrity, and watch everyone mindlessly go apeshit on the victim. Did I say apeshit?

Can't wait to unbox my Sony MDR-1RBT today.

Staring is a silent form of flattery. That said, I'm getting tired of saying "You're welcome" to pretty much everyone I walk past.

Looking for a surefire laxative? Try mixing garri with milk.

@bigbrovar @texazzpete @chxta @4eyedmonk Bobby, Pete has won this one. Don't push it.

Just purchased anointing oil for the sole purpose of igniting a personal experience with God via masturbation.

Half of my day is spent coming up with the perfect subject for my emails. I almost always end up using "Hi" or it's cousins.