You people that are getting sex regularly either need to keep that shit to yourselves or be more descriptive.

I'm starting to think that women are not the delicate little flowers we were led to believe.

Why are older women called 'cougars' and older men are called 'creepy'?

Apparently what i love most about twitter is drinking cold coffee and holding in my pee untill I starve to death.

"Just going to read a few more tweets then I'll be there". - me, three days ago.

Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.

Of course it's you. if it was me I wouldn't even bring it up.

Sometimes I like to tweet the old-fashioned way. I go down on the corner and yell at passing cars.

I only have one regret, but it changes every few minutes.

Perfect boobs have nothing to do with size or shape. It's who they're attached to.

It's funny when you tell someone that you don't like people, they always think you mean other people.

I'm in a long distance relationship. My girlfriend's in the future.

My ex liked to keep a little mystery in our romance, like who she was fucking.

I'm wet isn't nearly as erotic when a man says it.

Just because I star everything you say doesn't mean I want to fuck you, it means in my mind we already did.

I'm in a constant battle between wrong and worse.

You can always spot the crazy girls, they're the ones breathing.

That one person that loves you unconditionally, that sees something in you that no one else does, they're fucking high.

Thanks to twitter I am no longer making any bad decisions. Now I don't make any decisions at all.

Tuesday truth.- I was strung out on heroin for over 4 years. In 5 days I'll be clean (heroin free) for 1 year.