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For a well cooked chicken, I'm surprised Clint Eastwood's skin hasn't fallen off his bones yet.
At the doctors office. About to get an EKG.
Turn down for what!
so narcissistic that I only tweet to see my cute avi on my timeline.
Everyone deserves a second chance to make the same mistake.
I was tweeting before you were born, before the streets were paved, when people still used phones to talk to each other.
I can call everyone "kid" because I am the oldest person on Twitter.
George W. Bush’s nephew George P. Bush won a primary race for his first office. I’m glad we fought that war to get rid of the monarchy.
Me: I gotta pee!
Him: There's a port-a-potty over there.
Me: Are you fucking crazy? I've seen the X-Files. I know what lives in there!
Can't wait for Microsoft to create a program so a car can drive itself, without a human. You thought it was bad when your computer crashed.
We can be internet friends but that's it.
Role Play: I'll be the dog. You be the pound.
If it goes up you better get down there
Lescott thought he'd scored an ugly goal there.
Just a quick note to say how much we do appreciate each one of our followers.
Just imagine… if your soulmate hadn't attended your college, high school, local bakery.
Curiously, respect can seem like indifference.
I love it when people ignore me.
The fact that grandma refers to snow as human skin flakes and still runs around catching snowflakes in her mouth scares the hell out of me.
I felt my testosterone evaporate after licking the inside of a yogurt container.
If I could get all The Individualist to step to the Right, That'd be Great. Now, where where was I... http://favstar.fm/users/1knotwhole