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If they made 50 Shades of Grey for men they'd just call it 1 Shade of Vagina
I'm thinking of doing a podcast. It'll just be me reading your tweets and murmuring "That's fucked up."
I can't do anything right because of the first D in Wednesday.
God seriously fucked me over... He gave me the brains of Channing Tatum and the body of Steven Hawking
My ex wife gave me decaf once. They still haven't found her body.
The number of microbreweries in the US more than tripled between 2008 and 2013.
Stop watching that drivel. Im going to play Wolf of wall street on netflix..lets watch ir.
Meh. Everything just goes to shit at once
Working on a speech but at the same time I'm thinking, "why the fuck write anything down? Just talk" and that's usually ends up happening.
Let's get Tim McGraw back out to sing "I'm not gonna miss you"
I fell in love once and was like oh fucking gross someone get this shit off of me
My favorite thing about having a baby is all the calm, soothing swearing I can do.
"Shhh, we'll murder those loud motherfuckers, sweetie."
Pretty sure the tumble-weeds you see rolling around in westerns are actually hair balls that escaped my bathroom.
I have mid Saturday plans, buying a friend a birthday drink at the lounge Saturday night and 2nd shift Sunday is gonna be awesome ✔✔✔
There are probably a lot of people lying awake wondering about the same things I am.
I'm struggling with adult onset I don't give a fuck so you'll have to excuse my childish ways.
I want a world filled with 2015 technology and a 1970 mentality.
Doesn't seem like you'd have to be that nimble to jump over a candlestick.
Clairvoyant, Unabridged Phonetic Dyslexic, Round Trampoline Frame Medallist 1984- http://favstar.fm/users/1knotwhole
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