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Ok I left that stupid place because people started talking to be about SEO and platforms and shit. I'll go back for dinner tho.
Anal bleaching and eating pussy seems to be the topics of the day...
I meant to call my Australian buddy an arse hole, but autocorrect was like, you must have meant area hole.
And now I'm the idiot.
Twitter needs a "Hate" button because having no favorites or retweets just doesn't feel shitty enough.
So, I got some road head on the way to Golden Corral, but Mom was in the backseat bitching the whole time.
No matter how hard I try to write the perfect joke, it'll never be as funny as me dancing earnestly.
There had to be at least one racist who listened to Kendrick's new album and thought, "Fine... you're 4/5 of a person..."
I only need four more followers to hit 2500. Please tell people to follow me so I can start wishing I had 3000.
The world is a pretty wondrous place when it isn't trying to kill you.
It's always the people that you don't give a shit what they're about to do that always wanna tell you what they're about to do.
That awkward moment when Ted Cruz is forced to switch to Obamacare and then is not killed by the Death Panels.
Sure, we could form a relationship, or we could just skip to the part where I disappoint you.
She burned the pan of Lasagna, so I had no choice but to throw out the entire wife.
Sorry I hung a glue strip over your head but your shitty personality was attracting flies.
Relationship Status: I cut my fingernails for nothing.
'Anthony works in the grocery store…'🎶🎶🎶🎶🎶
I friend of mine said she has leftover Girl Scout cookies. Who will help me hide the body?
That "99 problems" song is just a ripoff of "99 Luft Balloons"
Not enough ridiculous, juvenile drama in your own life? Never fear! Reality TV has got you covered.
All parents still leave long winded messages.
There is no try.
Clairvoyant, Unabridged Phonetic Dyslexic, Round Trampoline Frame Medallist 1984- http://favstar.fm/users/1knotwhole
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