Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Calm down 5-blade razors, that's just hair I need to shave, not steel cables
If you've payed to watch all three Takens, you're the one that has been taken.
Million Dollar Idea: a line of plush Babadooks for kids to sleep with.
If you're not writing 1,400 words trying to describe software you've never seen & how it'll benefit an agency you made up, you're not me.
Planning to start the grill tomorrow right about the time the Weather Channel shows Mars landing on us. Show must go on and such.
I'm ignoring some guy that's hitting on me. 3 sentences in he told me how much money he makes. Like I give a shit.
Fake friendships founded on real nudes.
Nothing worse than being high and having to deal with a drunk.
Would u like to see a wine menu, sir?
"Oh yes. Which wine would u say goes best with chicken tenders?"
Me: Can I dip my breadstick in your Alfredo sauce?
Him: Usually it's me asking you that.
13YO: SHUT UP. STOP IT RIGHT NOW!
The only thing geography has taught me is that Long Island has the best iced tea
Tell her how she really feels.
Women love that.
My 1st twenty one gun salute was at an ACDC concert my second was for my grandpappy … too many to count after that but I pay my respects!
You really don't know why I have a lifetime supply of batteries?... Like really?
How does it feel to lose your own game?
Choking on my multivitamin this morning was the most exciting part of my day.
i'd follow back but you have about 100 hashtags in your bio and bobby don't have the bandwidth for that much crazy
I can drive anything on wheels with the precision of a F1 driver but give me a trolley full of groceries & all of a sudden I grow a vagina.
Y'all have helped kill my baseball boredom.
Clairvoyant, Unabridged Phonetic Dyslexic, Round Trampoline Frame Medallist 1984- http://favstar.fm/users/1knotwhole
Like @1knotwhole’s tweets? Send them a Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Gift them Pro!