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Did you know that in North Korea the ring finger is known as the preferred choice amongst torturers to chop off of dissidents?
Friday at 8pm...
Yeah, living the high life.
"I wouldn't have it any other way!" = I have no other options!
If I had a buck for everytime I said "This is fucking bullshit" or "Blow me, fuckface", I'd buy Walmart and pay employees a living wage..
Somewhere at this very moment richard simmons is whimsically swaying on a tire swing and coyly presenting his anus to a dim witted manboy
Mandatory minimum withdrawals are just the government's way to steal from the elderly.
I travel around so yeah, I see a lot of weird tits.
Sapporo is a good beer.
Life has a funny way of pulling the rug from under you rolling you up in it and dumping you in a swamp
Leaving earlier tonight. To you ladies, big kisses. To you guys, the wrong sperms definitely won the race to the ova. Oh, well.
shopping with my sister which means I'm sitting at the front of Forever 21 with all the boyfriends
My dog doesn't get that I own her and not the other way around.
I just found out that pitbull-wiener dogs exist. My life is complete.
Breyers, Ben & Jerry's or Hagen daz! Hagen daz is the Mercedes of ice cream. Vanilla is smooth
Extra large all meat pizza please..
This chick on Jeopardy is so smart that you can tell she's never put anything in her butt
The Civil War between hair and skin as my Confederate follicles slowly retreat from the Yankee scalp.
I'm not on any medication, except alcohol...... lots of alcohol.
Clairvoyant, Unabridged Phonetic Dyslexic, Round Trampoline Frame Medallist 1984- http://favstar.fm/users/1knotwhole