Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
The only thing I like about Trump is his hair.
REPORTER: do you regret any of your absurd behavior?
TRUMP: prove it
REPORTER: we have you on film
TRUMP: i've never been on tv
Santa spends 364 days a year stealing single socks out of the dryer and 1 day paying it forward.
I hate how much I miss you when you're gone.
I enjoy long romantic scrolls away from assholes on the Internet.
[listens to wu tang one exactly time] Cream bitch
Go back to sleep, honey. It's just an Internet friend banging my TL.
Dabbin' at the office like I do. Actually I'm not but could you imagine though if I did, people would be going jesus what a douchenozzle
I was writing tonight. Not this stupid online bullshit micro joke writing. Real writing. THAT felt good.
Imagine what your little nutsack would look like the next time you ran your mouth at me and I was holding steel wool?
*zips up adult onesie*
I bet you're wondering how I just got laid
*pops up collar*
Pity my friend, mostly pity
For Lease: An exclusive vacation resort featuring suites decorated with people who will love you and listen to your long boring stories.
If people were meals, we'd still eat the ones that gave us indigestion because they tasted so good.
They say lightening doesn’t strike the same place twice, but just in case, could you lean right here where my front gate used to be?
Him: *gently licking my nipple*
Inside my mind: This is doing nothing for me. I am literally thinking about my 2008 taxes.
Someone ordered a margarita "but hold the tequila" and instantly my earrings came out and I took off my heels
In 1972, I stayed up past 2 am with a tape recorder and watched George McGovern speak at the DNC. This is a much, much better show.
Clairvoyant, Unabridged Phonetic Dyslexic, Round Trampoline Frame Medallist 1984- http://favstar.fm/users/1knotwhole
Like @1knotwhole’s tweets? Send them a Favstar Pro Membership to show you care.Gift them Pro!