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The sailors say rando, you’re a fine girl, what a good wife you would be.
I just want the best for the people I love.
Is that too hard to ask?
American Horror Story: America
At least Pittsburgh can go back to their sunny beaches and beautiful women!
*Sees a spider web, leaves it alone*
Me. Decorating for Halloween.
In strip poker, if a guy is having a very lucky night he'll be holding two pair in his hands.
Me: Would your insurance policy cover me if a board game summoned deadly animals in my house?
Salesman: Well, no, but-
Me: We're done here
I don’t need an app to zombify me for Halloween. I just have to open my front-facing camera.
I envy that my parents could just say "I don't know", and not have to look up 1,000 random questions a day on Google.
I might quit trying just to see if anyone notices.
Sorry people who are just joining Twitter, we've already tweeted everything.
New Twitter Moments feature: global news/issues in 140 characters or less...
because you know society wasn't fucking stupid enough already.
They need to re-name Instagram to "I'm a thirsty bitch fishing for compliments"
Not much really, just over here in Gangsta's Paradise drinking boxed wine and watching 80's porn on VHS
Clairvoyant, Unabridged Phonetic Dyslexic, Round Trampoline Frame Medallist 1984- http://t.co/15Fpg591hu
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