@1surlygurl's (Dilligaf) most faved Tweets...
A Renault Clio had a head on collision with a Ford Taurus. It's now a Clitaurus.
"Does size matter?" "Yes I told you 2 inches makes a huge difference. Just buy the damn laptop dad, this conversation is creeping me out".
My idea of housework is the sweeping the room with a glance.
Wow this Wii Active really is life like. It's been almost an hour and I still haven't found an outfit that looks good on my avatar.
I'd like to add teenage step-children to the list of sexually transmitted diseases.
Girls wearing jeans so low it shows off their c-section scar is the new tramp stamp.
Hearing Oprah refer to her vagina as her 'vajayjay' makes me want to punch her in her 'tataintain'.
114
UncleDynamiteLisaG732CroweJamtwistedpfister79protonslesbeebeAmberRohrigMissAmbiguousstarrmommy824SaidSydSRQ2UiamnotdiddybitterpussChatEnPocheavi111199VIEW
ALL
Call it what you want, "My Friend' , 'My Monthly Bill', or 'Aunt Flo'. But in my world it's called "Crisis Averted".
114
jsttmfburkillingmeIsaOSdesignbuffMissPrissUSATiffanyJMooreStndrdBitchMrs_Happy_PantsPolarBear_solarbabyTheRealMelissaNSusAnimatedSpinchange_MissVampibedheadblonde99VIEW
ALL
I understand we are cutting back at work, but that toilet paper was so rough, I think I just gave myself a brazilian.
105
Girl11ElevenStndrdBitchEdgellACENotHotSusAnimatednhmagpiecpinckItsTheStepsterBeef_TongueAmIThatBoringlinajkImAwake2GSouderemlay_JeanM61790VIEW
ALL
Someday we will all look on this twitter thingy, laugh nervously then change the subject quickly.
101
mcpcCheVolayDavySunshinechokeychickenJacksCapssome1s_sistaxrayedmanJeanM617MissVampivikoniashamedtosayNoPantsOnanonygirlStacy_TurnerBeef_Tongue86VIEW
ALL
Hub wants to 'play doctor'. I said sure. Take this outdated New Yorker magazine, get undressed, and I'll be with you in about 45 mins.
Unwritten law: Every time your child wants to watch Spongebob Squarepants, you're allowed to become Drunkmom Sweatpants.
Hub: Hey, where's that sweet, loving girl I married? Me: Probably out looking for your 31" waist.
The word depression has such a bad stigma. I think 'anger without enthusiasm' has a nice ring to it.
I'd love to work at a bank for a week or two, then every time someone asks me to check their balance, give them an unexpected shove.
I really really hate people who take drugs, especially those ATF and customs dudes. They're the worst.
Even Santa's feeling the pinch, I hear he's down to one Ho.
Oh ya, I *love* having my Nana live with us. Here Nana, take your tea outside and sit. No! I didn't say take your teeth out and shit. fml
The only pitter-patter of tiny feet I want to hear are those of my midget man servant bringing me my coffee.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.....
Tip: To have your favorites shown faster, follow @favstar