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A Renault Clio had a head on collision with a Ford Taurus. It's now a Clitaurus.
"Does size matter?" "Yes I told you 2 inches makes a huge difference. Just buy the damn laptop dad, this conversation is creeping me out".
My idea of housework is the sweeping the room with a glance.
Wow this Wii Active really is life like. It's been almost an hour and I still haven't found an outfit that looks good on my avatar.
I'd like to add teenage step-children to the list of sexually transmitted diseases.
Girls wearing jeans so low it shows off their c-section scar is the new tramp stamp.
Call it what you want, "My Friend' , 'My Monthly Bill', or 'Aunt Flo'. But in my world it's called "Crisis Averted".
Hearing Oprah refer to her vagina as her 'vajayjay' makes me want to punch her in her 'tataintain'.
Someday we will all look on this twitter thingy, laugh nervously then change the subject quickly.
I understand we are cutting back at work, but that toilet paper was so rough, I think I just gave myself a brazilian.
The word depression has such a bad stigma. I think 'anger without enthusiasm' has a nice ring to it.
Hub wants to 'play doctor'. I said sure. Take this outdated New Yorker magazine, get undressed, and I'll be with you in about 45 mins.
I really really hate people who take drugs, especially those ATF and customs dudes. They're the worst.
Unwritten law: Every time your child wants to watch Spongebob Squarepants, you're allowed to become Drunkmom Sweatpants.
Hub: Hey, where's that sweet, loving girl I married? Me: Probably out looking for your 31" waist.
I'd love to work at a bank for a week or two, then every time someone asks me to check their balance, give them an unexpected shove.
Even Santa's feeling the pinch, I hear he's down to one Ho.
The only pitter-patter of tiny feet I want to hear are those of my midget man servant bringing me my coffee.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.....
Oh ya, I *love* having my Nana live with us. Here Nana, take your tea outside and sit. No! I didn't say take your teeth out and shit. fml