Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
My job is keeping me past my schedule so I can clean. My solution: take a 45 minute dump. I'm cleaning out my colon so that counts, right?
Solar eclipse my ass! I burned my retinas for nothing damn it!
Hey guy wearing a shirt with a vinyl record on it that says "the original mp3". You know mp3's are about 1,000% more convenient
Maybe I should keep working on my homework, but sometimes you just gotta say "screw this, I'm masturbating"
Burger King always smells better than it does being eaten.
If there is an virus outbreak that wipes out the earthly population, I'd like to be first one to spread it and get in the history books
Why meet new people at a kick back when I can play Super Mario World in the living room instead?
No wonder black people hate whites. Have you seen Gone With the Wind? Slaves did some bullshit things. Rhett Butler is awesome though
If I still have the job I have now 5-10 years from now I give you guys permission to kill me
Drunk people are annoying as all hell.
Am I really the kind of person that will go to an annoying persons birthday dinner just for the possibility of a free meal? I think so
I'm sure they're called "crushes" because you feel crushed when you find out they don't like you back. Or maybe i worry too much
I don't think we're showing much respect for trees if we're wiping our asses with their product
I don't know who started this whole "bro" thing, but I wanna stab him
Saw someone with a shirt that read "I got 99 problems but a girl ain't one". A girl?! Sorry, but that shirt is your 100th problem