Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
HR- please don't call your gay colleagues 'puddle jumpers' it's offensive
HR-you hear me right?
ME-coming through loud & queer :D
"A thank you." -Elvis "A thank you very much." -Elvis again
Friday the thirteenth Shmiday the shmirteenth
Whenever someone asks me to think of a number between 1-10 I think of 3 and then wonder if 3 ever thinks about me
Spermbots are real. I repeat, SPERMBOTS ARE REAL
Last time cried it made me orgasm
Gone tribal on dis bitch
(Dog acquires totem pole and lasso leash)
If ever you see a short businessman carrying a big briefcase, say, "hey, lil' slugger, do your tiny banker arms need any help with that?"
French me like one of your paint girls.
my mom's selfie game is......dismal
Sorry I karate chopped your grandma’s casket in half, but in my defense my dojo required me to defeat her to take her spot on the ladder.
I have issues, but I also have tissues
Five days away from Kim Jong-il's death anniversary and Kim Jong-un pulls this shit. Not how he raised him- I'll tell you that much.
Nobody at my job noticed that I shaved my beard and I work for my dad so...
I'm a black belt in karate. It was awarded to me when I was 9 by my uncle Trevor who said SOMETHINGS ARE BEST KEPT SECRET.
Curious George’s First Insane Clown Posse Concert
Even a one room studio apt is huge when you're high and the pizza is over there
when I complain about the sugar levels in my coconut water I think about a 100,000 people dying for a literal nothing.
Weak Electromagnetic Horse
I filed the side of my i-Pod into an i-Knife, any trouble and i-Stab.