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Got kicked out of the theater for damaging a speaker.
Bet she never talks during a movie again.
13 *giggling and laughing and singing in her room chatting to mates on FB*
I walk in
Laptop slams shut
*scowls at me for next 6 years*
working retail is so great. if a customer treats you bad you can just get the DNA from the money they give you and create a voodoo doll
Sharknado's are pretty bad, but until you've been in a Shartnado you don't know what real problems are.
Cheesus Slice, rose from the bread
happy fat bastard day....enjoy your diabetes...
i want to suck off willy nelson
yeah but where's the weed emoji maaaaaan
Where can I find these Easter eggs
See this scar? Back in the Cola Wars, wore my Pepsi visor too tight out on the campaign trail, totally left a mark. *thousand yard stare*
girl flirts with my b/f?
I'm genuinely happy for him
we all like 2know we're not completely repellant
that's why we work :D
Accidentally got on the spider bus. It was too late, the doors closed 'Where do spiders go?' I wonder as 1000s of furry eyes stare awkwardly
I created a tool that's part hoe and part axe. I'm calling it the hoax and you're welcome for all this free entertainment.
"Any more witnesses?"
Your Honour, I call, THE DECEASED TO THE STAND
*wheels out body*
Did this man stab you? *Prosecutor nods corpses head*
Off to Fred West Country later
*pulls on anti-sex pest knickers*
like, you get an @ in your interactions from this mystery account and in 7 days you die
Hey I just got an idea for a horror movie about a person who's stuck on a toilet just shitting his guts out because of a gypsy curse.
Hey sea otters, I'll teach you all the lyrics to Space Odyssey if you teach me how to sleep while floating in water.
My coworker said I must be allergic to work but I'm still sneezing now that I'm home so thanks for the bullshit diagnosis, Melissa.
I filed the side of my i-Pod into an i-Knife, any trouble and i-Stab.