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  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    When we broke up she said, "I always faked it".

    Haha, can't fake crazy, I knew the whole time stupid.

    • 1,071
    • FAVS
    gobmentcheeseMon_x_TeyBoobzAndBrainzRealJinjaNinjaflashembersomelightcryingWhoopdeedoo22dinnersruined
    • 459
    • RETWEETS
    Mon_x_TeyRealJinjaNinjadinnersruinedPandAmonniaDrFapFapChaos1011JadedChainsCarolinaSong
    BarW38osigatFirawesomeRamblingMachine__1HappytwitCarmel_ColemanItsMyButterfly____
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    Can't sleep? Count gay sheep. You may not sleep, but It's funny watching them bitch about wearing the same outfit.

    • 773
    • FAVS
    Mon_x_TeyRealJinjaNinjaFruitOfTheLoin____flashembersomelightcryingdinnersruinedHrBryPandAmonnia
    • 404
    • RETWEETS
    Mon_x_TeyRealJinjaNinjaFruitOfTheLoin____dinnersruinedTechno_24freckles_101megasharkpenisUGANDANCRAZY
    Adam14Just_Lee_1FredPollack
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    There's no happiness in this Happy Meal.

    What other lies are they feeding us?

    • 741
    • FAVS
    DoubleDigit13RealJinjaNinjaflashembersomelightcryingdinnersruinedHrBryEmmaStrickland1PandAmonnia
    • 269
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaPandAmonniaUGANDANCRAZYJenny4ashleyLaffingGUYBoyCalledAnnscotthellrisingTarikaReddy
    VoiceofgarthdannydogmouthBoomBamBunnySyl650
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    The clitoris has a hood. A FUCKING HOOD. No wonder I can't find the fella, little ninja.

    • 646
    • FAVS
    BoobzAndBrainzRealJinjaNinjaiNyagah_FruitOfTheLoin____flashemberdinnersruinedrockstarfishPandAmonnia
    • 186
    • RETWEETS
    RealJinjaNinjaFruitOfTheLoin____PandAmonniamegasharkpenisUGANDANCRAZYruslg1Jenny4ashleyHaciendaSquish
    Iscof
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    In the war on drugs, I surrender. Take me to your dealer.

    • 613
    • FAVS
    iNyagah_flashemberdinnersruinedACoolGhostmegasharkpenisyumcrackuptONaSLVRplatter__nikkideanee
    • 214
    • RETWEETS
    dinnersruinedUGANDANCRAZYSpaceRabb1tWadolf420tONaSLVRplatter__White_Lightnin0BongNation420charliesgonenow
    PawnYourLifeNodine13__________
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    I've never stolen a kiss, but I've paid for a relationship.

    • 528
    • FAVS
    Burds_1FruitOfTheLoin____flashembersomelightcryingdinnersruinedmegasharkpenisThunder_Fart______cholesteroI
    • 134
    • RETWEETS
    FruitOfTheLoin____UGANDANCRAZYruslg1Jenny4ashleyKelly_smilezThe_Mentalystloopyloup________golfmason
    kamtweetingjumpdashark
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    The last time I had sex it was in black and white.

    • 494
    • FAVS
    kasumuni_iNyagah_FruitOfTheLoin____flashembersomelightcryingdinnersruinedHrBrymegasharkpenis
    • 165
    • RETWEETS
    FruitOfTheLoin____somelightcryingUGANDANCRAZYdreamitawayJenny4ashleyIsThatJamieBoyCalledAnniLightbulb________
    offsidebastardMsMamaLCarmel_Coleman
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    I'm so drunk right now, I'm having to close
    one eye to write this. I could be Forest
    Whittaker's stunt eye.

    • 474
    • FAVS
    iNyagah_flashemberdinnersruinedmegasharkpenisMelloPsychoelsobsThunder_Fart______cholesteroI
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYJenny4ashleybiakabutukaBacon_Ball________BoyCalledAnnimjustcarrieCopulatermaneric10F
    TheFroyoMonster__bignas46
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    My flamethrower brings all the cops to the yard and they're like, 'PUT DOWN the LIGHTER and the can of DEODERANT, OMAR.'

    • 435
    • FAVS
    iNyagah_FruitOfTheLoin____flashembermegasharkpenistoastyveekatie_1002charliesgonenowMelloPsycho
    • 119
    • RETWEETS
    FruitOfTheLoin____UGANDANCRAZYIsItThatDeepMelloPsychoqholloielsobsThunder_Fart______ruslg1
    Lisabug74
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    At Muslim school we spent a lot of time throwing paper aeroplanes at walls.

    • 416
    • FAVS
    drearydougiNyagah_ShaistaJustinrenglish4JamesDropsBombsChuckManMeatRRio8flashember
    • 138
    • RETWEETS
    flashemberUGANDANCRAZYThunder_Fart______PajamaBen_TheDudesAbidinglifenthewarehsekevnastoIamAlfonsoo
    Hey_Tess
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    There's so much rain in Scotland that nobody has ever been dry-humped.

    • 406
    • FAVS
    drearydougFruitOfTheLoin____flashembersomelightcryingtwayne1010sssh_squirrelavaricious1A_Koob
    • 91
    • RETWEETS
    FruitOfTheLoin____somelightcryingUGANDANCRAZYruslg1NyLow9sumpeoplelikeitHerNameIsMudNed_Stevens
    CopulatermanBootsieTweets
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled, was convincing fat people they have an over active thyroid.

    • 389
    • FAVS
    drearydougflashemberFruitOfTheLoin____HrBryelsobsThunder_Fart______cholesteroIJenny4ashley
    • 85
    • RETWEETS
    FruitOfTheLoin____UGANDANCRAZYTropicalMaryjazmastaBacon_Ball________a_cakebabyForsanxDinocracy________
    NeutrontrilogyVolcanoWolf______
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    Most men like fish, some men like chocolate.

    That's how I'm explaining homosexuality from now on.

    • 382
    • FAVS
    careylikeswinelovemydogduckiNyagah_flashemberWhoopdeedoo22megasharkpeniselsobsThunder_Fart______
    • 106
    • RETWEETS
    lovemydogduckUGANDANCRAZYTheGhostofMarat__batsflywestCopulatermanlarraconvillestalkymanPhantomRaviolis__
    ElephartChiefTwittler
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    I'm so lonely I can't cast a shadow.

    • 331
    • FAVS
    iNyagah_flashembermegasharkpenisThunder_Fart______cholesteroIJenny4ashleyJumpingJesusHonume_
    • 103
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYonume_WinnypieShwento__KuzeecThe_MentalystiLightbulb________M_Foy1
    FloatersfinestGhetto_Trophy
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    You know that new born baby smell? Smells like a broken condom to me.

    • 324
    • FAVS
    iNyagah_InVisiHolemegasharkpeniselsobsThunder_Fart______cholesteroIJumpingJesusHbiakabutuka
    • 73
    • RETWEETS
    Techno_24broomejobmegasharkpenisUGANDANCRAZYaNiMaLOVER069xoloopyloup________kevnastoDandyTruman
    CooperDoog________
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    When writing a rhetorical question do you still end with a question mark

    • 321
    • FAVS
    drearydougiNyagah_flashembersteve_condraelsobsThunder_Fart______cholesteroIimhalfevil
    • 71
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYimhalfevilbiakabutukaThe_Mentalystwilnerr__________BHamblenjasonlight73Darkmagickan
    green_babe_
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    I just did my first subtweet, using a retweet. And now my heads going to fall off.

    • 305
    • FAVS
    flashemberThunder_Fart______cholesteroIJenny4ashleyThe_MentalystBarW38leifromloihiPajamaBen_
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYjasonlight73kevnastoGracetanderwgreen_babe_SirFlushaLotmochanyaRETROE1
    Ghetto_Trophy
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    When in work I like to pretend I'm a wizard and cast spells on bitches who don't return my motherfucking stapler.

    • 289
    • FAVS
    flashemberWhoopdeedoo22elsobsThunder_Fart______cholesteroIJenny4ashleyThe_MentalystBarW38
    • 70
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYPlaying_DadCloudyDischargeSeptimus216needlenspoonk8iAmDelFreakyLLStarlighttlnx_
    DrThanatos
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    Bowser was only holding the princess hostage till Mario finished off the plumbing in his castle.

    • 249
    • FAVS
    flashembersomelightcryingmegasharkpenisp3ab0dyThunder_Fart______cholesteroIJenny4ashleybiakabutuka
    • 82
    • RETWEETS
    UGANDANCRAZYwarisiftikharThe_Mentalysteric10Fchubbbypanda______Yeah_right_sureimd80mishakey
    jumpdashark
  • 23_Lies
      Omar @23_Lies

    You can Pink my Floyd. You can Roll my Stone. But you'll never unkink The Kinks.

    • 212
    • FAVS
    flashemberJonJon_Browntwayne1010PeyoteCoyoteamyles_morrisonimhalfevilelsobsElephart
    • 30
    • RETWEETS
    imhalfeviljumpdasharkmelfigga3JailBaitBLUESTeflonPawnbush_pigletricksteelman______Mama_in_heels____
    imhalfevilLoli_Sug
@23_Lies

@23_Lies

I filed the side of my i-Pod into an i-Knife, any trouble and i-Stab.