I think the rapture has started. We just had an earthquake. Picture of the damage.

http://t.co/N5sj7Kc

75% of people can't find the the mistake in this - 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 - RT if you found it!

Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.

The planet Saturn = 7 rings, Michael Jordan = 6 rings, Kobe Bryant = 5 rings, LeBron James........... Just a headband

If a bra is an "over the shoulder boulder holder" then what would you call mens underwear??? An under the butt nut hut

School is like a boner. Its long and hard... unless your an asian.

Modern Warfare 3 has been released in Iraq and Afghanistan as "The Sims". #MW3

I'm not saying shes a whore.... all I'm saying is that shes been on more weiners than heinz ketchup

That son of a bitch moment when you're walking around the house with socks on and step on a random wet spot...

He has a dig bick - ReTweet, if you read it wrong

That awkward moment when your scuba diving and you see Adele rolling in the deep

Some peoples FB relationship status should be "In a relationship with ___ while sleeping with ___ and at the same time talking to ___"

I hate it when I forget to turn my swag off at night and I wake up covered in bitches...

#IveAlwaysWantedTo go into an elevator full of strangers and say "i bet youre wondering why ive gathered you all here today"

If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say, "In Jesus name, amen,"

Why do people say "Grow some balls?" Balls are so weak & sensitive. You ought to say "Grow a vagina," those things really take a pounding.

We are even racist when it comes to weather: White clouds = good. Blаck clouds = bad.

Elephant: "Why do you have boobs on your back???" Camel: "Thats a stupid question coming from someone who has a penis on his face."

I hate it when I try to hug someone sexy but I end up headbutting the mirror.

Husband: I love you Wife: is that you or your beer talking? Husband: its me talking... to the beer...