The early bird gets the worm, the second mouse gets the cheese.

Listen here, do you know who I am?
No dear, have you looked in your purse?

Why do you always answer a question with a question?
Do I?

Sorry, Dave. Paul Shaffer just creeps me out.

Just woke from a good sleep except for my dream about being hit when a half-eaten pumpkin pie fell off the balcony, on top of me.

If I'd known you were a virgin, I would have been more gentle.
If I'd known you could still get it up, I would have taken my bloomers off.

Ninety-nine percent of all lawyers give the rest a bad name.

"No Fly Zone" on window contractor's truck.

Is this thing on?

Pretoria Perp Walk ... boing boing boing boing ...

“@ozzie31220: Sometimes when I see a dog Avi, I think the dog has somehow killed it's owner and taken over their twitter account.” Who, me?

“@donttouchmywine: Prenez-moi, faire-moi, caresse-moi, complet-moi… pour ceci est la trés raison nous existons.” Now you're talking!

“@zanyjaney11: The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.”. I wish I'd said that. Oh, wait...

“@holllyyx: OPEN THE POD BAY DOORS, HAL.”
I'm sorry, Holly, I can't do that.

@rachelleewest Very funny, coffee out my nose! What's it like to be twitter-crushed by a guy with white fur?

“@laydbibo: You should always look up the meaning of any words you don’t understand.” That's remperously true.

@rachelleewest Heavy deep breathing starts instantly. She's back!

@rachelleewest Oh. Dear. Me. O-o.

@eskimobrittany Thank you for that.

@rachelleewest z (GASP!) that gorgeous hair!