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  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Girls: want your man to act like a gentleman? Start acting like a lady who deserves a gentleman, instead of a cunt who just expects one.

    • 189
    • FAVS
    randomlady74TheBeerGuy73BazarComedynocturnologyHurly_BurlyWhoCuppedMyCake__sarcasticleighMikeMbeerm________
    • 79
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedyMikeMbeerm________Squizbotobi_ian_kenobiSmokedFringe______NashMariahmonstabrat________Chaos1011
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I may not steal Tweets on Twitter, but you can bet that I say all of your jokes to people offline, and take full fucking credit for them.

    • 279
    • FAVS
    nv7281ShellyABaleKirstensDeskHulaBabeenaazihahBazarComedynocturnologyElFrancoMaximo
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    nv7281ShellyABaleSam_AlworthyDONTJIMMYMEJULZBazarComedyLastMermaid__MikeMbeerm________plumbermaz
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Pushing an elevator button multiple times doesn't make it come faster; the opposite is true of my cervix, though.

    • 311
    • FAVS
    BazarComedynocturnologyHeyZeus666ThateverydayguyMikeMbeerm________DrBoozenitJoshMarino420AnOddQuandary
    • 56
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedyminealone6xeyednpainless____oakhillbargrillfuckyeahyouare____23_LiesBeenToHellPalSquizbot
    angiehateslife____F00tballSux______
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I'm so worried that people might think I'm a racist that I won't even say the word "vinegar" in the vicinity of black people.

    • 155
    • FAVS
    BazarComedyLastMermaid__DrBoozenitBlondAmbitionTOKweezyKyraJoshMarino420WildeThingyJohnLyonTweets
    • 43
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedyJoshMarino420UnfollowFasterSquizbotjdguyawesomekenyan_wangwehellyeah63
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    The only reason I wear panties is so I have somewhere to set my phone while I'm on the toilet.

    • 147
    • FAVS
    redpawn3naazihahTheBeerGuy73bestpuneverCunda22DONTJIMMYMEJULZlouisjewellsmallzBballz
    • 39
    • RETWEETS
    bestpuneverDONTJIMMYMEJULZsmallzBballzBazarComedyxeyednpainless____Phood_PhanaticVotre_Altesseoakhillbargrill
    BruppFWTXrachiecandiceginger26dot2______Iambooradley______
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    If you rub OralJel on your cock before you stick it in her mouth, she won't even know it's in there - NINJA BLOWJOB!

    • 147
    • FAVS
    BazarComedyDrBoozenitMikeMbeerm________BlondAmbitionTOCrtzrnaJoshMarino420_you_right_nowJohnLyonTweets
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedySquizbotTheWhaleChris____Hurly_BurlyHotpetbuns_LoudWhisper_____daddysdrtydncrCynicalLongkat
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I prefer realism in my masturbation. So, just like all the guys I fuck, none of my dildos have balls either.

    • 186
    • FAVS
    BazarComedyHurly_BurlyDrBoozenitMikeMbeerm________BlondAmbitionTOJoshMarino420WildeThingyUnfollowFaster
    • 33
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedySquizbotVonBrutal________badmouthblondehypedupfairyThat_Damn_DuckAglaea_xoxocumprincess__
    _Vaginasaurus
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    If I were a guy, my favourite sound would be that small gasp she makes the first time I slide my entire shaft inside her.

    • 128
    • FAVS
    BazarComedyElFrancoMaximozachheltzelThebigbyrdman__ugh_just_stopLastMermaid__DrBoozenitHurly_Burly
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedyLastMermaid__SquizbotTheWhaleChris____favstar1000favsSmokedFringe______abstractemarimaricomcast
    topherg7FeistyGnome______
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I bet Vince Russo just watched Raw, sat there, blinked a few times and was like, "Shit."

    • 10
    • FAVS
    VerifiedDrunkfavstar_popFinallyHeSleepsMyriahLeighDaEmeraldKnightGiantRascalThe_LOKITUPjkrambles
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    geraldsaundersmwoodring1heartlessTJ15emperor_domiGesusKriestVivaMattyVegasDBBNickKeiroStarrRKDA
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Apparently, when someone asks you, "What time do you get off?" "Every chance I get," is not an appropriate answer.

    • 124
    • FAVS
    LittleJimmy61BazarComedyLastMermaid__DrBoozenitMikeMbeerm________Bulldog0613JoshMarino420_you_right_now
    • 23
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedyminealone6Squizbotmochanyasddthatsmefavstar1000favstrumpthechumpSmokedFringe______
    chattchic______Twisty_Monster____
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I do so many kegels that only dogs can hear my queefs.

    • 110
    • FAVS
    LittleJimmy61BazarComedyDrBoozenitBulldog0613JoshMarino420_you_right_nowxeyednpainless____UnfollowFaster
    • 21
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedyfavstar1000favsSquizbothellyeah63XalqeeIanBHoughLipglosslesboCool_Jesse
    _Shizzle__________
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    YOLO? More like YODA: You'll Obviously Die Alone.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    ictwittiessofiayatid____ChurningTurdum____anwar02ceemrtn85NickCasaliniMrStrictMachineiLL_ugLy
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    JoshridesbikeBryceCarrollCoeanwar02chriscartermilithunicaWhiteRussian_melissa5001______SRbeta
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Normal wedding proposal: He goes down on 1 knee, gives a diamond ring. Ideal proposal: I go down on both knees, you give me a pearl necklace

    • 139
    • FAVS
    BazarComedyspaceagediscoDrBoozenitMikeMbeerm________JoshMarino420WildeThingyJohnLyonTweetsUnfollowFaster
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedySquizbotfavstar1000favschitenniscoachJstraw94__________shishiwakamakuClosestThingFavstar500Favs
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I'm not a slut, I just fuck like one.

    • 87
    • FAVS
    KinkQueenBazarComedyMikeMbeerm________DrBoozenitBulldog0613JoshMarino420UnfollowFastersdebastian
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedySquizbotTXFloormanSmartBlonde69____xChristina394xPopplersss________TheDunkleRoseRambo82
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    If you ever had sex with Jesus, I bet the morning after would get really awkward after he asked you why you kept calling out his dad's name.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    cyclingfiend74KamRabbitmicetaylMsSugarTitsTwisty_Monster____2luv2luvme21BigMickWolfieShay__
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    nuttyskadorkMissParisParker__Twisty_Monster____ShyButterfly619__jakefozioyo_dabba_dabbafuckmylife2hellSmokeydabear85
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    If a toothless blowjob is called a "gummer" can I start calling anal sex a "bummer"?

    • 91
    • FAVS
    LittleJimmy61NILEstyle_BazarComedyMikeMbeerm________DrBoozenitBulldog0613WildeThingyJohnLyonTweets
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    NILEstyle_OrphikIsDopeBazarComedySquizbotFavstar500FavsDiscourtPokePokeGRUNT____Pimpalacious
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    One day I'm going to tell my kids, "Yes, you can get pregnant from oral but only if he spits it back onto your cunt after you snowball him."

    • 171
    • FAVS
    BazarComedyDrBoozenitMikeMbeerm________JoshMarino420LaughAddict13painted_eelWildeThingyUnfollowFaster
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedyxeyednpainless____Squizbotgaak99____________NastyWastysemioddFelineMurder______SouthMN____
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    oozycooze________mediabutcherHandsomeMachine__TequilaTearsDONTJIMMYMEJULZTraffuckMakeYourBedlamsirshucky
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    sirshuckyBigKwanDoncoreybauercairokidStevie_LooneyKennethFabeZedamarkJustin1483
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Pro-Tip: If there's something in a Tweet you have to Google to find out what it is... you probably don't wanna Google it.

    • 93
    • FAVS
    BazarComedyMikeMbeerm________DrBoozenitJoshMarino420JohnLyonTweetsUnfollowFastersdebastianSquizbot
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    BazarComedySquizbotshishiwakamakuTwistedAndTornNdiscretion______msnadineltjasonlight73Favstar500Favs
    TheUnseenMe______
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    The proper way to high-five a hipster is square in the face.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    cyclingfiend74PhilMacCrackenKeithKempSucksTrudyTroothavvviClassy_Cassy89____SilverRush50AdamUrbane________
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    SilverRush50Fred1Bootkahpah2630249suburbsamJimmyJazzIDKBooksBakesBioSandyEggoMonkfuckmylife2hell
@2ndCitySaint

@2ndCitySaint

I have a blog I never update: http://pervertextraordinaire.tumblr.com