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  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Girls: want your man to act like a gentleman? Start acting like a lady who deserves a gentleman, instead of a cunt who just expects one.

    • 185
    • FAVS
    Hurly_BurlyWhoCuppedMyCake__sarcasticleighMikeMbeerm________HacknSprayBlondAmbitionTOJoshMarino420UnfollowFaster
    • 78
    • RETWEETS
    MikeMbeerm________Squizbotobi_ian_kenobiSmokedFringe______NashMariahmonstabrat________Chaos1011SpicerDeV
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I may not steal Tweets on Twitter, but you can bet that I say all of your jokes to people offline, and take full fucking credit for them.

    • 272
    • FAVS
    ElFrancoMaximoLastMermaidstarrygirl8675sarcasticleighMikeMbeerm________HacknSprayBlondAmbitionTOjk858
    • 67
    • RETWEETS
    LastMermaidMikeMbeerm________plumbermazmochanyamudji_alexanderdiggity_dustinFavstar250TMcguts
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Pushing an elevator button multiple times doesn't make it come faster; the opposite is true of my cervix, though.

    • 309
    • FAVS
    HeyZeus666ThateverydayguyMikeMbeerm________HacknSprayJoshMarino420AnOddQuandaryImprobableEddieHookedNBooked____
    • 55
    • RETWEETS
    minealone6xeyednpainless____oakhillbargrillfuckyeahyouare____23_LiesBeenToHellPalSquizbotobi_ian_kenobi
    angiehateslife____F00tballSux______
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I'm so worried that people might think I'm a racist that I won't even say the word "vinegar" in the vicinity of black people.

    • 154
    • FAVS
    LastMermaidHacknSprayBlondAmbitionTOKweezyKyraJoshMarino420WildeThingyJohnLyonTweetscyclingfiend74
    • 42
    • RETWEETS
    JoshMarino420UnfollowFasterSquizbotjdguyawesomekenyan_wangwebrownpoopypantsIm_Chris_James
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    The only reason I wear panties is so I have somewhere to set my phone while I'm on the toilet.

    • 138
    • FAVS
    Hurly_BurlyHacknSprayMikeMbeerm________BlondAmbitionTOJoshMarino420LaughAddict13xeyednpainless____WildeThingy
    • 35
    • RETWEETS
    xeyednpainless____Phood_PhanaticVotre_AltesseoakhillbargrillPhantomPhlashcdnbroad__________UnfollowFasterSquizbot
    BruppFWTXrachiecandiceginger26dot2______Iambooradley______
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    If you rub OralJel on your cock before you stick it in her mouth, she won't even know it's in there - NINJA BLOWJOB!

    • 146
    • FAVS
    HacknSprayMikeMbeerm________BlondAmbitionTOCrtzrnaJoshMarino420_you_right_nowJohnLyonTweetsUnfollowFaster
    • 34
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotTheWhaleChris____Hurly_BurlyHotpetbuns_LoudWhisper_daddysdrtydncrCynicalLongkatbrownpoopypants
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I prefer realism in my masturbation. So, just like all the guys I fuck, none of my dildos have balls either.

    • 185
    • FAVS
    Hurly_BurlyHacknSprayMikeMbeerm________BlondAmbitionTOJoshMarino420WildeThingyUnfollowFasterBruppFWTX
    • 32
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotVonBrutal________wanderingmadlyhypedupfairyThat_Damn_DuckAglaea_xoxocumprincess___Shizzle
    _Vaginasaurus
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I bet Vince Russo just watched Raw, sat there, blinked a few times and was like, "Shit."

    • 10
    • FAVS
    VerifiedDrunkfavstar_popFinallyHeSleepsMyriahLeighDaEmeraldKnightGiantRascalTheDailyMatchjkrambles
    • 27
    • RETWEETS
    geraldsaundersmwoodring1heartlessTJ15emperor_domiGesusKriestVivaMattyVegasDBBNickKeiroStarrRKDA
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    If I were a guy, my favourite sound would be that small gasp she makes the first time I slide my entire shaft inside her.

    • 127
    • FAVS
    ElFrancoMaximozachheltzelThebigbyrdmanugh_just_stopLastMermaidHacknSprayHurly_BurlyMikeMbeerm________
    • 26
    • RETWEETS
    LastMermaidSquizbotTheWhaleChris____favstar1000favsSmokedFringe______abstractemarimaricomcastBrothrBubblGum
    topherg7FeistyGnome______
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Apparently, when someone asks you, "What time do you get off?" "Every chance I get," is not an appropriate answer.

    • 122
    • FAVS
    LastMermaidHacknSprayMikeMbeerm________Bulldog0613JoshMarino420_you_right_nowxeyednpainless____WildeThingy
    • 22
    • RETWEETS
    minealone6Squizbotmochanyasddthatsmefavstar1000favstrumpthechumpSmokedFringe______brownpoopypants
    chattchic______Twisty_Monster____
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    YOLO? More like YODA: You'll Obviously Die Alone.

    • 23
    • FAVS
    ictwittiessofiayatid____ChurningTurdum____anwar02ceemrtn85NickCasaliniMrStrictMachineiLL_ugLy
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    JoshridesbikeBryceCarrollCoeanwar02chriscartermilithunicaWhiteRussian_melissa5001SRbeta
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I do so many kegels that only dogs can hear my queefs.

    • 108
    • FAVS
    HacknSprayBulldog0613JoshMarino420_you_right_nowxeyednpainless____UnfollowFasterprokopowJennyPentland
    • 20
    • RETWEETS
    favstar1000favsSquizbotbrownpoopypantsXalqeeEenUffLipglosslesboCool_JesseFavstar500Favs
    _Shizzle
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Normal wedding proposal: He goes down on 1 knee, gives a diamond ring. Ideal proposal: I go down on both knees, you give me a pearl necklace

    • 137
    • FAVS
    HacknSprayMikeMbeerm________JoshMarino420WildeThingyJohnLyonTweetsUnfollowFasterTomSchallyBruppFWTX
    • 19
    • RETWEETS
    Squizbotfavstar1000favschitenniscoachJstraw94__________shishiwakamakuClosestThingFavstar500Favslazzielaz
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    If you ever had sex with Jesus, I bet the morning after would get really awkward after he asked you why you kept calling out his dad's name.

    • 29
    • FAVS
    cyclingfiend74KamRabbitmicetaylMsSugarTitsTwisty_Monster____2luv2luvme21BigMickWolfieShay
    • 18
    • RETWEETS
    nuttyskadorkMissParisParker__Twisty_Monster____ShyButterfly619__jakefozioyo_dabba_dabbafuckmylife2hellSmokeydabear85
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    I'm not a slut, I just fuck like one.

    • 85
    • FAVS
    MikeMbeerm________HacknSprayBulldog0613JoshMarino420UnfollowFastersdebastianSquizbotJustLikeMikee
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotTXFloormanSmartBlonde69____xChristina394xPopplersss________TheDunkleRoseRambo82HotOralSex
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Never trust a man in a wheelchair with dirty shoes.

    • 25
    • FAVS
    oozycooze________mediabutcherHandsomeMachine__TequilaTearsDONTJIMMYMEJULZTraffuckMakeYourBedlamsirshucky
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    sirshuckyBigKwanDoncoreybauercairokidStevie_LooneyKennethFabeZedamarkJustin1483
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    One day I'm going to tell my kids, "Yes, you can get pregnant from oral but only if he spits it back onto your cunt after you snowball him."

    • 170
    • FAVS
    HacknSprayMikeMbeerm________JoshMarino420LaughAddict13painted_eelWildeThingyUnfollowFasterTomSchally
    • 17
    • RETWEETS
    xeyednpainless____Squizbotgaak99____________NastyWastysemioddFelineMurder______SouthMN___Prozach74________
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    The proper way to high-five a hipster is square in the face.

    • 36
    • FAVS
    cyclingfiend74PhilMacCrackenKeithKempSucksTrudyTroothavvviClassy_Cassy89____SilverRush50AdamUrbane________
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    SilverRush50Fred1BootWedgeItsuburbsamJimmyJazzIDKBooksBootsBioSandyEggoMonkfuckmylife2hell
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    Pro-Tip: If there's something in a Tweet you have to Google to find out what it is... you probably don't wanna Google it.

    • 92
    • FAVS
    MikeMbeerm________HacknSprayJoshMarino420JohnLyonTweetsUnfollowFastersdebastianSquizbotJustLikeMikee
    • 16
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotshishiwakamakuTwistedAndTornNdiscretion______msnadineltjasonlight73Favstar500FavsCool_Jesse
    TheUnseenMe______
  • 2ndCitySaint
      Meg$ @2ndCitySaint

    If a toothless blowjob is called a "gummer" can I start calling anal sex a "bummer"?

    • 88
    • FAVS
    MikeMbeerm________HacknSprayBulldog0613WildeThingyJohnLyonTweetsUnfollowFaster23_Liessdebastian
    • 15
    • RETWEETS
    SquizbotFavstar500FavsDiscourtPokePokeGRUNT____PimpalaciousdangertoonClosestThingwhoisTSeev
@2ndCitySaint

@2ndCitySaint

I used to be a chef, now I have a 9-5 corporate desk job for the same restaurant group. I have a blog I never update: http://t.co/ZpKiHJHVl5