My primary duty as a parent is making sure that my child knows - no matter what others say or what she may see or hear- that Han shot first.

#removeoneletterfilms - "American Pi"

USA Today gives it 3.14 stars.

Please donate to cancer research. I will donate $1 for every RT this gets to Cancer research (Sloan Kettering). (Max $500)

All people who make broad generalizations are idiots.

Romney loses his home state, birth state, and vacation state. So basically, those who know him best voted for the other guy. #election2012

#CornyPickUpLines I feel a spark every time I Pikachu.

The fact that Avril Lavigne is ready to marry Nickelback tells me one thing: I actually would have had a shot. #FML

Goodnight, Wesley. I'll most likely kill you in the morning.

#RomneyInTwoWords http://t.co/NNrYXmNn

@wilw Please retweet for awareness: Timmy is stuck in a well and Lassie can't get him out. #SaveTimmy

#DescribeYourSexLifeWithAMovie The Dark Knight Rises

#addoneletterfilms "Finding Nemoy"

It's like "The Search For Spock" but with smaller ears and more wrinkles.

I found out what happened to the power at the #SuperBowl. pic.twitter.com/Jpqdu6dX

#MyLifeIn5Words I failed math class.

I just killed a man at Walmart to get the last crock pot. Found out it wasn't on sale. My apologies to his family.

#ThingsNobodyWouldSay One day I want my daughter to end up just like @kimkardashian.

@wilw Please retweet to spread awareness about unnecessary retweeting. #TheMoreYouKnow

#UnlikelySequel Malcolm XI

I would make another chemistry joke, but all the good ones argon.

@wilw Please RT to spread awareness: Awareness cannot be achieved through retweeting.