I've come to realize that the more time I spend tweeting nonsense, is less time I could spend getting laid...

and then tweeting about it.

It's 2:20 in the pm and I still haven't been fondled. What the hell is going on?

Just got a call from Stoner Smurf. And it's not what you think...he just likes to chuck stones at sinners and whores...

while he's high.

I don't believe in safe words ladies. I just smurf you 'til you pass out.




Then I smurf you some more. I stop when you come around. Maybe

SMURF!! Woman's jaw just dislocated while she gave me head! I heard it pop. Had to share with you all. Hospital bound when I cum. #dedicated

Back in my hometown of NYC (the smurfin stork was drunk) and loving' it! Papa said leave the ladies be, but what Papa don't know... You know

I was up to 98 followers today. Then one dropped me. Whoever you are, I hope your finger breaks next time you tweet. #imreallynotmadthough

Dated a sword swallower. She loved to give me head. I had to stop seeing her because the stomach acid gave my dick a rash.
#bigdickproblems

Nice! I hit 69 followers. At this the point should I hold your heads and blow a smurfin load down your throats? Too soon? #curious

150 TWEETS......


and only 14 people will read it. How smufin sad is that!?

@lunasgarden_ Bacon is awesome! Especially wrapped around my hot dog!



I'm just gonna let everyone decide what I mean...buncha pervs. ; )

@lunasgarden_ Generally a tied off pants leg from a big and tall store...don't laugh. Its true! Smurf magic is better than Viagra.

@emme4now When am I getting my gold plated invite? Just kidding. I'll take a fake address on a used napkin, in crayon. That's how I smurf.

Every time I see a "So u think u can Dance" ad, I think I should try out, but the last time I did a backflip my cock gave me a concussion.

Shit...I'm going to lose my job as a male dancer if I don't stop reading all these smurfin tweets!

Stage name DeepDickinSmurf
Come see me!

So I finally hit 100 followers. I'd tell you all that I love you, but we all know this is a one night stand, you tramps! #smurfinainteasy

Hey Bloomberg. I'm so thrilled you're looking "out for people's health", but why don't you mind your own fucking business! #iWant20ozDrinks

Ahhh, is there anything better than waking up to a summer rain storm?






Yes actually...waking up to a blow job. #justsaying

Oh good grief! I stop to look at porn for a few minutes, and there are hundreds of tweets I missed. This is getting out of hand #obsessed

Speaking in third person was supposed to be funny, but Tripod's smurfin ADD kicked in, so no more third person speaking.