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I've come to realize that the more time I spend tweeting nonsense, is less time I could spend getting laid...
and then tweeting about it.
It's 2:20 in the pm and I still haven't been fondled. What the hell is going on?
Just got a call from Stoner Smurf. And it's not what you think...he just likes to chuck stones at sinners and whores...
while he's high.
I don't believe in safe words ladies. I just smurf you 'til you pass out.
Then I smurf you some more. I stop when you come around. Maybe
SMURF!! Woman's jaw just dislocated while she gave me head! I heard it pop. Had to share with you all. Hospital bound when I cum. #dedicated
Back in my hometown of NYC (the smurfin stork was drunk) and loving' it! Papa said leave the ladies be, but what Papa don't know... You know
I was up to 98 followers today. Then one dropped me. Whoever you are, I hope your finger breaks next time you tweet. #imreallynotmadthough
Dated a sword swallower. She loved to give me head. I had to stop seeing her because the stomach acid gave my dick a rash.
Nice! I hit 69 followers. At this the point should I hold your heads and blow a smurfin load down your throats? Too soon? #curious
and only 14 people will read it. How smufin sad is that!?
Every time I see a "So u think u can Dance" ad, I think I should try out, but the last time I did a backflip my cock gave me a concussion.
Shit...I'm going to lose my job as a male dancer if I don't stop reading all these smurfin tweets!
Stage name DeepDickinSmurf
Come see me!
So I finally hit 100 followers. I'd tell you all that I love you, but we all know this is a one night stand, you tramps! #smurfinainteasy
Hey Bloomberg. I'm so thrilled you're looking "out for people's health", but why don't you mind your own fucking business! #iWant20ozDrinks
Ahhh, is there anything better than waking up to a summer rain storm?
Yes actually...waking up to a blow job. #justsaying
Oh good grief! I stop to look at porn for a few minutes, and there are hundreds of tweets I missed. This is getting out of hand #obsessed
Speaking in third person was supposed to be funny, but Tripod's smurfin ADD kicked in, so no more third person speaking.
The dirtiest little smurf you'll ever meet...and the most well hung!