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Stages of Twitter grief: OMG!!!; jokes abt dead person; "Don't joke abt dead person!"; Instagram of brunch.
I haven't seen this many white people upset about maps since Christopher Columbus bumped into America by accident.
They don't have a "Million Dollar Listing: San Francisco" because it would just be a shitty 1 bedroom on Gough.
Utah's all like "But if you legalize gay marriage then the next step is polyg....oh wait a minute"
Obama should just announce he's in favor of Ted Cruz so we could see Ted Cruz be against Ted Cruz.
It is the 17th inning. The 3 fans left are crying and eating garbage. Ron Wotus is pitching to a mop wearing a Pirates jersey.
HOT STARTUP IDEA: Check books out of library, charge people $5 to borrow & read them.
Madison Bumgarner getting on phone ordering cake for victory party, arranging airport transportation, getting ready to fly plane home.
This is tech's fault somehow. Give me a second.
Did you buy a dresser in the Sunset a while back? If so, look under the drawers. http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/mis/4347387809.html …
I don't recall any Republican officials advocating the denial of constitutional rights the last time an abortion clinic was bombed.
I've found babies are much easier if you just pretend they're your annoying friend who wants you to stay up & party w them all night.
The two most important moments in your life are when you realize not all beer and not all coffee are the same.