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Stages of Twitter grief: OMG!!!; jokes abt dead person; "Don't joke abt dead person!"; Instagram of brunch.
I haven't seen this many white people upset about maps since Christopher Columbus bumped into America by accident.
They don't have a "Million Dollar Listing: San Francisco" because it would just be a shitty 1 bedroom on Gough.
Utah's all like "But if you legalize gay marriage then the next step is polyg....oh wait a minute"
Did you buy a dresser in the Sunset a while back? If so, look under the drawers. http://sfbay.craigslist.org/sfc/mis/4347387809.html …
I don't recall any Republican officials advocating the denial of constitutional rights the last time an abortion clinic was bombed.
I've found babies are much easier if you just pretend they're your annoying friend who wants you to stay up & party w them all night.
The two most important moments in your life are when you realize not all beer and not all coffee are the same.
Someday the Joint Chiefs of Staff are going to be Jayce, Jayden, Caden, and Hayden.
There should be a cable channel called "When You Just Want Something On While You Look At Your Phone".
The final step in the customer servicepocalypse will be Comcast buying United Airlines.
I'm glad they finished the bridge so everybody can get back to moving to Oakland.
I see fog. THIS CONCLUDES TWO-DAY SUMMER. PLEASE RETURN TO HUDDLING NEAR A HEATER FOR WARMTH.
Phone call from wife: "Do you need anything from Whole Foods?" "No." "Well, think of something. I can't just buy wine, I'm with the baby."
108 days until pitchers and catchers report.
If you're looking for a barista, Academy of Art graduation just finished at Civic Center.