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Just read a YouTube comment that said Coldplay is the new Pink Floyd. Since I don't know exactly who said it,I have to kill everyone. Sorry.
My remote just fell out of my bed so this is pretty much my suicide note.
The Seven Dwarfs of twitter:
Beer me. And by beer me I mean vodka red bull me. And by vodka red bull me I mean take off your pants and sit on my face.
Forgot to hit the gym for the 8th straight year this morning.
A Molotov Cocktail is a real fucking message in a bottle.
Big girls just don't understand that guys will love them for their personality and wits if they lose weight.
I won't even walk a mile in my own fucking shoes.
If people in this country rode their spouses like they did their fucking brakes the divorce rate would drop drastically.
If I had the chance to kill either the vampire or the werewolf from those retarded 'Twilight' movies I would rape Harry Potter. No question.
I think it's time for some of you to put down the urban dictionary and perhaps pick up a real one.
Yep, it's right here on page 27 of the "Twitter Handbook", Rule 12: IF YOU DON'T LIKE WHAT SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO SAY DON'T FUCKING READ IT.
"Fuck man, Courtney Love's pussy is so gross." -Herpes
I want an auctioneer to read my eulogy. No one likes drawn out funerals. You're welcome.
Just saw someone wearing tight rolled jeans and a 'Warrant' t shirt. My god! I THINK I SET MY CLOCK BACK TOO FAR!!
If I have ever said anything out of line or degrading to you, I was probably drunk. Don't let that mislead you though, I fucking meant it.
Nothing like running into my old high school girlfriend as I'm leaving the gas station with an arm full of Busch Light 40's at 7:30 a.m.
Bought one of those front facing baby carriers for my mini keg. Really stepping up my game today
If twitter has taught me anything it's that there are more funny girls out there than guys. It's quite a sobering truth.
Twinkle, twinkle little star, how I wonder what you are? It's an exploding ball of gas, mainly helium and hydrogen. My god, read a book.
Dropped out of high school in the 10th grade officially making me the smartest member of my family. Also, great great grandson of Jack the Ripper.