I bought really expensive weed in my dream last night...I woke up before I was able to smoke it. What a waste of money!

#Kanye wants to name the baby North..they should spell it "Knorth" to keep up with the #Kardashian tradition!

Trying to figure out why there's a fork in my pocket.

@apartmentc3 Not a problem, thank you for making me laugh every week! :)

I would not make a good pet because: 1. Don't touch me 2. Don't feed me nasty things & 3. don't throw things and expect me to fetch it.

I swear it sounded like this commercial just said side effects include: loss of appetite and rape..

@saraparker I think I just saw you on "Bad Dog!" on the Animal Planet lol...Your cat is awesome!

Does anyone else think "dead body" when they see a full black trash bag on the side of the highway?

Just watched The Ramen Girl... loved it.. #RIPBrittanyMurphy

Does anyone else notice the gang signs? http://t.co/kcDXEVA4

The people that live in the house behind us always sound like they're burying a dead body..hmmm.

@liveprudegirls I was on your YT and your view count for your videos was 996,699. #Palindrome

@liveprudegirls so....Friday, 4am?

Thanks for the shoutout @mintmilana! :)

It's either very funny, or super weird that my brother sometimes calls his wife by my name.

Someone needs to take my phone away from me...this damn Draw Something app is worse than crack.

3's good...I'm annoying myself.

I just answered "No!" to every question in the children's song "Do your ears hang low".

I was kind of hoping it was Monday @apartmentc3

Lilly <3 http://t.co/uXnR6dL5