My 30th birthday is in 1 hour. If you're not buying me a present before i wake up in 9 hours, you can star this tweet instead.

Fav's given: 102. Fav's received: 3. I've always known, I'm a giver, not a taker.

Peopleofwalmart.com makes me wanna move to the US. Ill be able to sleep 1,5 hour more each night as I dont have to care about what to wear.

Can you all stop begging to fav someone to 50 or 200. Or at least until I have such a tweet myself. Fuckers.what.about.me.?.*sigh*

I just Googled for a new thursday, but it seems I´m stuck with this one ...

I have to read a whole sunday and sundaynight of tweets tomorrow. I'm sure my boss will understand.

Don't take my shit too serious folks. Oh, damn, I said something shitty again, that will cost me another 6 followers.

I bet Super Mario Bros Wii is even fun when you're not stoned. And probably easier too ....

And now, it's gonna be me, the pregnant lady, and the bedbugs. All in one big dutch oven.

I hope Walmart opens some stores in Europe soon. Cause I'd love to make fun of those douchebags masquerade-shopping too.

If I didn't feel so responsible, I would have slept until next weekend.

Just got dismissed from my bedroom by my gf. She told me this will be a new start. What does this Betty Ford on her shirt mean by the way?

So far I'm listed in a list named sweeties and a list named n0n-pr0nstars. Hmm, I guess I should step my game up both verbally and sexually.

Nobody shot me in my sleep, so here I am at work again. I did get blown in my sleep though, just not to smithereens.

Pregnant lady just told me to hold her belly as she felt the unborn move. It stopped as I reached out. Kid already respects my authority.

Getting my hair done at #Eef, as hairdosually.

Ok, just read a whole day of missed tweets and its almost lunch. So the Question is: What shall I do during the second half of this workday?

Fucking fail whale ATE my english grammar skills.

That Gape Is Fuckedup - Their Glass Is Full - That Gun I Fired - Trashy Gstring In Fridge - Terrific Glue In Finland - whatever, just #TGIF

Pregnant lady just let a green pepper ejaculate all of his insides right in her eye when she trieed to cut him open. Preggo 0 pepper 1