My ceiling fan has three setting:
- very slow
- slow
- I'm about to detach from the ceiling and kill you in a freak ceiling fan accident

Once you go black, you can always go back to having coffee with milk, there's really no set in stone rules here.

I love when you go to get a massage and they ask you where it hurts and you start crying cause it’s your entire existence.

I find what some of you can do with 140 characters completely fascinating.

lol at people that have just joined twitter, cause we’ve already tweeted everything.

I always carry a jellyfish in case I need to pee on someone.

I think my twitter crush has been tweeting around.

Hey guys, if the Facebook people find us here, our escape plan should be MySpace

Trust me, NO one will look for us over there, ever.

Do people that have a link to their Facebook page in their bio not understand what we're doing here??

Thanks to twitter I’ve been on my way to the shower for three and a half days now.

even if they love you, if you keep pushing people away hard enough, eventually they will simply go.

it's exhausting pretending my life is shit so you idiots like me.

Some AVI's are best left unenlarged.

All of my tweets are stolen, from life.

If you call someone and rather then calling you back they text you, It means your voice is too sexy to handle right?

just blocked someone doing the love heart with their hands in their avi, i just don’t need that kind of positivity messing up with my chi.

14 reasons to join twitter:
1. Socializing
2. Venting
3. Current affairs
4. Laughs, lots
5.
6. People judge you
7. Fuck this, too hard

I miss the old school twitter, where you’d cut letters out of magazines and glue them on a note, then leave them in people’s letter boxes.

Would love to go for a long walk on the beach, but how long is long? Will I find my way back? Where's the beach?

Maybe I'll just stay here.

Don't do kids, drugs.