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  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    Ever feel like you're too weird for the normal people and too cool for the weirdos?

    • 1,299
    • FAVS
    WhatADallalittlecontraryMSGirl4BamalunaticfringedphilosoflowersDadLiesrrreem321SkinnieTalls
    • 747
    • RETWEETS
    Ochy_ZacharyalittlecontraryesmaillouxphilosoflowersDespicableMeeenjokispeakingSkinnieTallstrouvaine
    ajax06titusbbpbear79llvvzzleo_mak27Lisabug74t0shiba
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    Pixar should make a movie showing the adventure socks go on when they disappear.

    • 965
    • FAVS
    t7676hCatherineMcGrewmartiejtCruelTsteOfLustOMGShenanigansOne_Classy_Bummsdodgrblunochiefs
    • 517
    • RETWEETS
    b_r_bennettInkedAmbystacywawa1OMGShenanigansOne_Classy_Bumdial22tonenochiefsRidiculousSheri
    GoofpoopsVikeeysSecretMessJenkins_SirPrincessgmossii
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    Those assholes who say don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee are still assholes after they’ve had it.

    • 894
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansjunkyardigansuz1973luqPaulMMonaghanpapasunclenice_sugar_girlJay_FrickinLynnNotRaneem
    • 438
    • RETWEETS
    littlerubieznice_sugar_girlJay_FrickinLynndrunkNnaughtycasey_txAcidicKnivesUnethicalGniusNotawhiner
    Just_Lee_1UGotMeRightllvvzzzJazzzzzminaXalqeeThe_Sculptress
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    A divorce is not a failed marriage. Getting out before you kill them is a success.

    • 790
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansRidiculousSherijunkyardigansuz1973luqnice_sugar_girlBusterGrabbNicholey23BitchKittyV
    • 443
    • RETWEETS
    suz1973luqBusterGrabbcornermecaro2Nicholey23NoKraziness9BadMikeyBadkwirkyKerriJay_FrickinLynn
    vodkachromelittlekitnerboysquashguy15Not_From_TroyFaceyspaceLickyourtrophy
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    You basically pay Netflix $7.99 a month to practice your scrolling abilities and demonstrate your inability to make decisions.

    • 546
    • FAVS
    jillianloweeCatherineLMKxBeannotet7676hVerifiedDrunkCassJustCasssarcasticmommy4angeltears310
    • 439
    • RETWEETS
    xBeannoteMaskedBlogsterImaFlyontheWallThe_GetawayGirlPantstuna_6112nichole_pottsBigWeeNigeFearGrayBeard
    PeaceInTruth1ajax06WonderMonkey78mustlovewafflesilovepie84
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    I have muscles. But I'm not a big show off so I keep them covered with fat.

    • 604
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansjunkyardigansuz1973luqnice_sugar_girlNicholey23sapioatheistICountBeansssheeshyeah
    • 311
    • RETWEETS
    suz1973luqJay_FrickinLynnTINY_TOESIES______sweetkinuSassyChantellePerfectHandleseeing_voicesSkiminski
    dixie_lee_peasKimJungilSpirit__leslid79__________
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    It's hard staying caught up with reading everyone's funny tweets at work. So I quit my job.

    • 702
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansjunkyardigansuz1973luqnice_sugar_girltchasetweetsJay_FrickinLynnTINY_TOESIES______curtis_wiggins
    • 207
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynndrunkNnaughtyVenusRockHobbitHuajatollaChicjoeljeffreymeonieeNHLBeezerleechee420
    t0shiba
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    Stop honking your goddamn horn. You'll get this parking spot when I'm done tweeting.

    • 658
    • FAVS
    OMGShenaniganssuz1973luqbananab123spopovich23sheeshyeahCynthiaSuicideJay_FrickinLynnLauurennnp
    • 228
    • RETWEETS
    amhsrnJay_FrickinLynnFUNNAGANricozoltan1991CM2BTTHDOchy_ZacharynefariousPeterDMaxine12333
    leo_mak27
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    Guy who ran a half block like a girl to catch the bus but broke out your pimp walk the last few steps, way to stay cool.

    • 584
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansjunkyardigankwirkyKerriDelwoodKingsMomsheeshyeahJay_FrickinLynnNotRaneemdrunkNnaughty
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnchantal_devomaddie11_AndersTlaxBoy05Rosie_ZadiniaBoscoPortersheareronewhatitsmenej
    LoyalTrophiesChiefTwittler
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    The best thing about owning a tempurpedic bed is I can masterbate furiously and that glass of wine still doesn't spill.

    • 602
    • FAVS
    junkyardigansuz1973luqnice_sugar_girlsheeshyeahJay_FrickinLynnNotRaneemjerdstwatterMarj1st
    • 176
    • RETWEETS
    Jay_FrickinLynnMannifinndrunkNnaughtyEZ_GmikefofficialmeonieebaseballchickieCorvn
    ella__fraser_sleepysmileilovepie84
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    Never mask your weird. It only prevents people from loving the real you.

    • 448
    • FAVS
    eyekelleysierralarsenOMGShenanigansjunkyardiganMsbrown1994suz1973luqUribeEdiRatBatallion
    • 261
    • RETWEETS
    Ronisha96OMGShenanigansCandyTripComicsuz1973luqarrrrgoldmancornermecaro2UribeEdiNicholey23
    madamesnooty______silent_musings
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    Someone could point a gun at my face and I wouldn’t be as terrified as when I think I accidentally left my phone at home.

    • 457
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansswbelievesmarlashousejunkyardigansuz1973luqPaulMMonaghanpapasunclenice_sugar_girl
    • 216
    • RETWEETS
    marlashousePaulMMonaghannice_sugar_girlMoyoXxStun_OneFiftyoneshunJay_FrickinLynnIvyelleWright____
    brookskiie
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    One benefit of laziness is being a ninja at picking things up off the floor with your toes.

    • 446
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansjunkyardiganNotRaneemTINY_TOESIES______drunkNnaughtythereverendcinkajax06joeljeffrey
    • 161
    • RETWEETS
    OMGShenanigansScreenname1979baseballchickiewhatitsmenejhoops_DaddyflashgagnonmoonbeamrandaCourtilingus
    TheDorkQueengmossii
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    I don't care how hot you are, if we can't have a weird & interesting conversation I won't date you.

    I'll still fuck you of course.

    • 420
    • FAVS
    marlashousenice_sugar_girlNotRaneemTINY_TOESIES______drunkNnaughtyajax06joeljeffreyTuibt
    • 145
    • RETWEETS
    Violent2Dope304her0ineoftimeSteHarperleechee420whatitsmenejhoops_DaddyNotOnDrugsSami____LoveYoorFate
    leo_mak27
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    Guys who can fart while pissing in a public restroom w/out even giggling a little must be dead on the inside.

    • 424
    • FAVS
    nice_sugar_girlWetzelGeekdrunkNnaughtythereverendcinkjoeljeffreymeonieeAlyT81CarpeAngela
    • 130
    • RETWEETS
    cooper9870her0ineoftimePalmer44Anab01icleechee420Cass472__________GFGandervakim40
    WhatsHerFace33MrsGoose69
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    It's not that people with ADD can't pay attention, it's just the shiny thing over there is more interesting than you. Your fault really.

    • 306
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansmarlashousesuz1973luqAeroChivetteShaeAaroncaptaincoximusqueenpammatheistjem
    • 202
    • RETWEETS
    postoncSweetAphroditenakedlaughingJenniferLabornmrtruthandsoulmichaeldornayNicoleBidonIm_Tricia_Too
    Laura_328
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    I'm good at seeing other people's point of view. Which makes it even more frustrating because they're wrong.

    • 371
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansphilosop_herBLoveAffairswbelievesmarlashouseTINY_TOESIES______drunkNnaughtythereverendcink
    • 130
    • RETWEETS
    OMGShenanigansBLoveAffairswbelievesmarlashousehoops_Daddy0712639250barkerjoshdPeaceInTruth1
    SilentMusings2lilliemeow________
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    My first 50 star tweet. I'm the king of the world!

    J/k

    I'm a 35 year w/ a mountain of debt living w/ his parents.

    • 407
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansdrunkNnaughtythereverendcinkjoeljeffreymeonieeAlyT81CarpeAngelathebenchong
    • 72
    • RETWEETS
    her0ineoftimeleechee420notracist_but____baseballchickieatadsnippysmash_landingwhatitsmenejblind_phineas
    curlymalloyYesThatAmy
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    The most important thing I look for from a potential employer is a bathroom with a good network connection.

    • 360
    • FAVS
    OMGShenanigansmarlashousesuz1973luqTINY_TOESIES______drunkNnaughtythereverendcinkjoeljeffreymeoniee
    • 110
    • RETWEETS
    suz1973luqMsMordancyAlyT81Anonymous1040leechee420Michabeanwhatitsmenejkihugi
    Maxine12333
  • 5haners
      Shane @5haners

    I'd rather be happy than fit in.

    • 273
    • FAVS
    Razorberry67angelamweberOMGShenanigansPuddingBoobsnewstart43ScottBerghorndims_QKTornabene
    • 177
    • RETWEETS
    _presquevuangelamweberOMGShenanigansnewstart43GillisBarbaradims_QKTornabenedavidvincil
    silent_musings
@5haners

@5haners
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chill master