Does "My dad never got me an actual pony." count as daddy issues?

I'm living today like there is no tomorrow. I just ate 2 Costco muffins.

I am pretty sure I poop more food than I actually eat.

Nonfatal illnesses are pointless.

Eating nutella by the spoonful.
I have no shame.
Or boyfriend.
Fuck.

I honestly don't know what's worse. The fact that I just found a used spoon in my bed, or that I'm not surprised to find it there.

My dad came is singing Pumped Up Kicks by Foster the People, asked if I was hipster, then asked what a hipster was.

This morning I decided to count the change from my purse before getting ready for school. $11.57 later I was 10 mins late for class.

When I grow up I wanna be something realistic but still amazing and borderline crazy, like a rhinoceros tamer/breeder.

Dad:"Do you want a sandwich?"
Me:"No."
Dad:"Do you not want a sandwich?"
Me:"Yes."
Dad:"Good work little one."

Are you supposed the like the people you date?

I was feeling satisfied with my day until I started choking on my own spit.

Awkward situations are where I thrive.

I hate it when people remember unique details about myself, because then I feel even more guilty about not remembering their name.

Every time a guy looks into my eyes I know he is trying to steal my soul, so I yell and run away.

My boss just asked me what my name was, again. I'd say I'm moving up in the yogurt chain ranks.

I'm really I'm really good at over thinking angry birds.

These college text books don't have pictures, and I am really not okay with it.

If someone tried to pay me in gum I'd slap them across the face.

Don't ask me if I'm single. As if my comments about video games and calculus didn't cry SINGLE in your face.