Going out later today to apply for a third job so I can afford to pay for the gas to drive to my other two jobs.

Working w/Keith. He said we were tight like turtle pussy, and that's watertight. I swallowed my gum and pee'd in my pants a little. #Friday

Haikus can be fun.
But sometimes they don't make sense.
Refrigerator.

Eat, Pray, Love, Eat Again #obesemovies

Miracle Whip on 34th Street #condimentfilms

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people that annoy me.

Four Weddings and a Funnel Cake #obesemovies

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you melons, you're probably just dyslexic.

My alarm clock is going to have an "unfortunate accident" if it doesn't stop acting like such an obnoxious dick.

Fat and Furious #onelettermissingfilms

Looking forward to work today. Friday the 13th is the one day we can assuredly count on all the fucktards to come out.

So maybe the 90's is pretty good decade for music, too? - I Touch Myself by The Divinyls, from #SoundHound http://bit.ly/bVynyr

Print some for me while you're at it... pic.twitter.com/2nZvvRns

#DNC 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman; Miss Lewinsky.' #impeached

@heymyman2012 @anthonyjeselnik Jeselnik is one of my favorite comedians. His timing is brilliant :)))

#nickelbacksucks http://t.co/WLqK0T60

@fingduck http://t.co/O3e0ylzz

Thigh Masters of the Universe #ExerciseFilms

You had me at hell no.

Rosemary's Baby's Breath #flowerfilms