Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
Walmart sells safes? If I'm shopping here, WTF kinda valuables am I putting in a safe?
People who are nostalgic about the 1950s, I don't know man.
"We're able to tolerate each other, and I enjoy the sex. Let's fucking do this!"
~My wedding vows, if I ever get married
If you move the letters in 'Spring Ahead' around to form the phrase 'Aphid Rangers' you will literally never sleep again.
Hey guys.....don't ever tell a girl you "can't dance"..... She will assume you also "can't fuck"...... Not the way she wants you to.
How can only 9 pieces of chicken be a "family" meal. It's like they think my family can live off splitting a drumbstick
Some said he was a man of infinite wisdom and unbridled charisma, and yet others, thought him no more than a medieval puppet fucker
I've resigned myself to dotting i's from now on. It is best for everyone
The smell of revolution and fecal matter was everywhere;
And well armed babies were shaking their fists in the air
Conservatives really are in denial when they say America has the best healthcare in the world. Or just ignorant......probably ignorant.
I haven't slept very well
Since the last time that we spoke,
you said "Please understand if I see you again don't even say hello."
Things one can deduce from '80s music: cocaine makes saxophones sound AMAZING
Pretty cool how Ellen's selfie broke the twitter machine for a solid 5
i can't believe i have to keep washing this stupid body until i die