Charlie Brown, you think you had it bad? All I got was a rock of cocaine.

We need to engage in a friendly nuclear exchange program with North Korea.

Where can I recycle body parts?

Pucker up and prepare to receive my nutritious man milk.

Back in 1969, Woodstock was all about peace and love until the Peanuts Gang showed up.

Rest in peace, whatzisface.

I've got cleavage in all the wrong places.

We are in a post-Gangnam-style period and we trust that your dancing will reflect the times.

@billclinton : Don't lose faith, Bill! There's a sucker born every minute.

"I too was bitten by a radioactive spider."
Your Friendly Neighborhood Cancer-Man

I enjoy watching my penis tadpoles sprout legs.

That's the last time I let a piranha give me a blow job...

Some Greeks just jumped out of my Trojan condom.

The clitoris is overrated. Licking a woman's Prius is more effective.

You scratch my back, I'll scratch your Lamborghini.

A long time ago in a Samsung Galaxy far, far away....

CELL
WARS

Android IV.II
A NEW HOPE

It is a period of civil war.
Rebel Apples...

You're gonna rock around my cock tonight.
I meant Glock.
No, really, clock, sorry.

Moss is growing between my anus and penis and I don't need to water or fertilize it.

I regret that I had but one wife to give to my neighbor. I love thy neighbor too.

Due to my penis's exoskeleton, I am able to divert the flow of blood to more vital areas.