Usain Bolt should be a unlockable character on Temple Run.

Stress is caused by giving a f*ck...

My level of maturity depends on who I am with

Mi papá tiene 47 años = my dad is 47 years old
Mi papa tiene 47 anos = my potato has 47 assholes

i love spanish

I would lose weight but I hate losing.

Girls, if you think giving a guy the silent treatment is punishment, you don't understand guys very well. #truestory

I'm bored... but I don't want to do anything. #FirstWorldProblems

Boyfri(end). Girlfri(end). Piz(forever)za.

iPhone > Android > Nokia > Land phone > Typewriter > 2 cans and a string > Message in a bottle > Pigeon with a note taped to it > Blackberry

There's "hell" in hello, "good" in goodbye, "lie" in believe, "over" in lover, "end" in friend, "ex" in "next", & "if" in life.

Not sure if memory was from a dream... or real life.

etc = end of thinking capacity.

I want a relationship where we can act like idiots, talk about the most random stuff, share music, and never get tired of each other.

Some people need a high five... in the face ... with a chair.

The least successful Harry Potter movie earned about $90 million more than the most successful Twilight movie. Via @uberfacts

Dear Cupid, next time hit both.

I don't get older. I level up.

Sometimes I wear my headphones even if I'm not listening to anything.

I stopped using an alarm clock... it always interrupted the best part of my dream.

Don't pay attention to this tweet, I'm standing alone in public so I'm doing this to make it look like I'm texting.