Bright Eyes, in a nutshell: Songs about girls Conor fucked but never went down on.

kiss me until this new Tegan & Sara song is over oops wow I accidentally clicked repeat forever my mistake def an accident tho keep going

Lena Dunham is dating Jack Antonoff? Of course she is, cause Girls just wanna have Fun.

Clouds are bullshit. They look all inviting and cuddly, but if you jump into one, you'll fucking die, man.

Can someone tell girls with thigh tattoos that it's not like they'll fade away if they aren't Instagram'd daily?

Remember when Fun. was the Format and you had your life together?

.@skrillex hey bro once at warped tour in maybe 04? 05? 06? i threw a lemon yes a lemon at you im not apologizing I just want u to know

Remember when Maniac was The Matches and you had your life together?

The Boy Who Cock-Blocked His Own Shot.

Once, while telling a girl (25) something I've never told anyone, she interrupted me because she heard the ice-cream truck outside.

If children found out how many nights adults celebrate Halloween, they'd be SO pissed.

I'm truly happy I wasn't apart of a generation that lost their virginity to Midnight City.

Morrissey doesn't eat meat or pussy, so he's basically just every guy you dated in college.

@someofmybest If you hate the Daily Mail, you must hate the Postal Service. *puts sunglasses on, backflips off Cool Guy Mountain*

[Zooey Deschanel getting arrested for tagging QUIRK'S NOT DEAD.]

That scene in 500 Days when he's singing and dancing with the birds, but the opposite.

Too drunk to fuck, but also bc of super bad issues with intimacy.

"We're never ever ever getting your back, back together. Like, ever." - A spine surgeon, who's terrible at breaking bad news.

[The opening credits of Star Wars, but replaced with a list of people that I've lost touch with.]

Remember when "snapbacks" were called "hats" and you had your life together?