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dear droid phone spellcheck: when i type "fucking" i PROMISE you i didn't mispell "ducking" ... #smartphonemyass
if you say “valentimes” and don’t see an issue with it i’ll assume you have a pretty hefty collection of velcro shoes.
sometimes i hope that i’m actually sam beckett trying to put things right that once went wrong & hoping my next leap will be the leap … home
if you see me w/ my headphones on, diligently working, fucking PLEASE don’t tap my desk to get my attention JUST to say “good morning” #cunt
tip: if you burn yourself tomorrow on fireworks, rub some butter or margarine on your wounds ... heals them right up & makes them delicious!
rules for the pillow/blanket fort: 1) no farting 2) no candles 3) no pillow fights (unless in another room—we don’t want structural damage)
dear people that have a signature on text messages: just stop.
sponsor me for #ExtraLife (10/20/12)! http://www.extra-life.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=donorDrive.participant&participantID=29225 … all donations are 100% tax deductible & go to @hopkinskids. Help me help kids!
i’m thankful i have a job … i just wish most of my coworkers didn’t …
personal fireworks in dundalk = it's all fun and games until someo--TUCKER LOST HIS HAND!! OMG BECKY'S HAIR IS ON FIRE!!!!!!
i think for a royal wedding gift, i'll wrap this box of fucks that i don't give and mail it ... i hope they'll all fit ...
snarky | sarcastic | cynical | baltimoron | sci-fi/gamer geek | bit of a twat | afraid of spiders, clowns ... and patrick duffy's hair (in that order) #TeamGay