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Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers.
Don't forget to pay £2.00 to park somewhere and £3.50 for a coffee but be disgusted by the cost of music today, world.
A lot more people would go to church if it had free WiFi and also if God was real.
I'm going to the zoo. Your day is irrelephant.
If everyday is a gift today was socks.
Just talking to my cousin about how debilitating and dark a mental break down can be, and he offered me a fucking m&m. 5 year olds are dicks
Rioting for justice is like fucking for virginity.
That moment, when you're cutting wrapping paper and the scissors start to glide like a bird on a thermal. That's my utopia.
Is Morgan Freeman narrating tomorrow?
There is a girl on this train who appears to have used Nutella for foundation.
I'm still upset about Molly Ringwolds choice of underwear in The Breakfast Club. Also, Afghanistan
If you listen closely to a pregnant woman's stomach, you can hear their husband coming out of the shop asking who you are.
Every time Adele sings, an angel gets it's onion rings.
If you suffer with anxiety/depression sit down next to me. It's not 1950, it's not taboo and you're fucking wonderful! Talk, people #serious
All of the hilarious aunties that point at you and say, 'You're next', at weddings, hate it when you do it back to them at funerals.