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I used to have this party trick where I could make my dignity disappear.
I smack talk at weeds when I spray them with weed killer because I'm a badass like that.
If the last supper had a selection of cheeses and cold meats I might have been more religious.
You're so sexy, when I get you home....
I'm gonna hold your hand, compliment your mind and appreciate what you contribute to society!
I just ate a whole wheel of Brie.......
I regret nothing!
Thanks to all my followers, i feel like buying plane ticket and coming to high five you all.
"Hi, I've got a whole wheel of Gouda at my place and a packet of crackers just begging to be opened."- me at a club trying to pick up girls.
I cross the street and almost trip so I suddenly start break dancing. I tried to look spontaneous and not clumsy...
It made it worse
I'm thinking of making twitter my life coach, what could possibly go wrong?
I need to start by getting booze, a cannon and some cats.
I get so disappointed if I don't manage to bring a girl home after a night out.....
I can't split the cab charge.
Man, the cockroaches at my place are so high. They finished my stash and now they've formed mariachi band to serenade me... Oh wait.
I send all my @ replies from the pouch of a kangaroo, obviously.