@ActualA's (ACtual) most faved Tweets...
I don't know who brought these cinnamon blueberry muffins into work today, but they are obviously trying to get in my pants.
In the mirror, I see a ripped Hulk dancing & tearing his shirt off. Through the window, my neighbors see a near-Albino kid having a seizure.
I hope there isn't a video camera in the elevator.
My Michael Jackson pelvic thrust dance got pretty intense between floors one and two.
My Michael Jackson pelvic thrust dance got pretty intense between floors one and two.
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I was going to tell you that my appendix was bursting. Then I realized that I was just full of shit.
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...and all the kings horses and all the kings men couldn't put...
That is why we call it Hump Day, right?
That is why we call it Hump Day, right?
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Does this "Will Have Sex For Money" sign make me look slutty or just broke? I'm asking for my self esteem.
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Just saw a woman driving while using a pair of tweezers to pull hairs out of her chin.
Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about texting.
Suddenly, I don't feel so bad about texting.
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If there's a way to put a comforter in a duvet without actually getting in the duvet, I sure as hell haven't figured it out yet.
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Not only is your visible armpit hair not work appropriate, but it also doesn't match very well with that pink summer dress you have on.
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I'm not good in bed. I just adequately mimic things that I've heard people who are good in bed do. I'm like the Safeway Select of sex.
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In my next life I want to come back as a centaur. All the kissing parts of a man with the lower half of a horse thing.
Brilliant!
Brilliant!
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I'm not saying that every day would be better with more sex but...well, actually, I guess that's exactly what I'm saying.
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