Vine works perfectly for my sex tapes because I usually finish within 7 seconds.

JENNIFER LAWRENCE BOWS DOWN TO THE BASED GOD pic.twitter.com/zT3A40mX9B

Fox News is reporting that Obama caused this tornado in Oklahoma to distract the public's attention from the Benghazi and IRS scandals smh

If you include me in a mass text telling me "Happy Easter", I will literally crucify you.

I would post that equal sign as my profile pic but I HATE math. #antimathematics

Obama just lost the "mentally ill" vote saying guns shouldn't be in their hands - which means basically just the whole Republican party.

ORDER DOMINOS ONLINE AND IT'S 50% OFF TIL 3/24 YOU CHEAP FUCKS #FUCKARECESSION

Creed playing a secret #SXSW show in my toilet right now!!!

The Redskins should changed their racist team name to something less offensive like the Washington Foreskins.

EVERYONE check out this vid my twin (@the_real_droop) and I shot for @letsmakeout777 http://t.co/uBsxmEW4
#letsmakeout #np #music

No matter what happens in my life, at least I can say I went to one of the best WrestleManias of all time.....................

*disappointed because no gay bois have hit on him in San Fran* pic.twitter.com/Zsh2zM5V

This was my shroom trip in a nutshell pic.twitter.com/loPy6lI2

If Romney wins, I'm overdosing on birth control pills tonight.

Should I take a shit at this Kendrick Lamar concert?

Ayo fuck that man Romney is trying to take away our Sesame Street y'all. :-( #VoteObama

You can only eat so much Totino's pizza without feeling like, "Man, where the fuck is my life going?"

My tweets, when taken as a whole, are really just a long, drawn out suicide note. 

To celebrate Independence Day, I will be celebrating my dependence on alcohol.

we're twins what r u? pic.twitter.com/HxFjG4b7bF