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I hate Custer.
Oh, hey, THAT'S why I don't like parties. I can't talk to people.
I wish I wasn't so forgetful so I could remember the decisions I make.
If God was real what type of accent would he have? #foodForThought
"Hey I really like you, and I wish you liked me back." is pretty much my entire life.
People favorite my tweets but don't retweet them. In response, I will be eating this imaginary cake and sharing none of it. #takeThat
I saw a spider, and it disappeared before I could find something ti capture it with. In related news, I've decided to leave the country.
Summer goal: Go to a party and remind myself why I hate people. I've been slipping lately, I almost smiled at a person earlier. #Oops
I would suggest a Friday the 13th party, but we'd probably have to invite that Jason kid who always wears a mask. #notWorthIt
And this is why I find you little fucking people so fucking disgusting to tolerate. #fuckEveryone
That little sinking feeling when you accidentally close a tab you meant to switch to.
Guys! The President isn't wearing a flying armor suit with wrist rockets and shooting bad guys. Quick, blame him for the terrorist attacks.
My philosophy is "Yes it's bad, but quit being a cunt about it."
I feel like I judge what other people find funny too harshly. But then again, if what they thought was funny didn't fucking suck...