Wtf is this on demand? I can't fast forward through commercials? Noone wants to listen to shannon doherty talk!

I really wish people could look at their own situations before commenting negatively on someone elses when it mirrors their own.

i swear to the Gods Buttercup grew up to be a dyke.

Sometimes I worry I'm too smart to be stupid and too stupid to be smart. That my true being lies somewhere in the mediocre middle.

Holy shit you guys. Dolphin rape caves are a real thing. I just.... I don't know anymore. I have to go to bed. Stay out of the water.

@cool_jesse Haha, it's funny because puns and vaginas. XD

This is not good with a snuffly nose. :(

My friend's house has the most well behaved flies i've ever seen. It's weird.

I need to find a semi-retarded alien to be semi-retarded together with.

Daniel Radcliffe just admitted to a alcohol addiction. No wonder he thought he was a wizard.

fried kool aide? someone's stretching the food stamps.

Sorry for leaving without even the courtesy of a reach around, but goodnight bitches.

There's an ad on Craigslist for writers telling me I can 'make a billionty dollars!' #SeemsLegit

Oh look, we're at that part of the story where I grow disenchanted with everyone and everything...again.

Nov.29th my work is having a theme day. 'jersey day' I guess I'll get a tan, get herpes and change my name to 'Snooki' for the day?

I am your sweetheart, the anger and lust you can't sate. I am everything that you fucking hate.

I wish being late for your job was a skill you could write on applications because apparently I'm really good at it.

Some people go out drinking on friday night, I watch essays and discussions on characters in the Crucible...wth is wrong with me?

Ever reply to a person you don't even know from an RT and think to yourself...I may have crossed a line somewhere?

@cool_jesse Must....resist...sex appeal....like ...kryptonite! :p