Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
If you're going to quote a hometown hero;
1 Make sure its the right hometown
2 Make sure He's a hero and
3 Don't mess it up on national TV
If you're buying a home pregnancy test at Walmart at midnight -- Your prom probably did not go as planned.
Carry cash. Those dancers do not take credit cards.
Was raised in a family where we didn't swear. But man, oh man, could I use an "ing" verb right now
I'll follow you if you follow me? No. I'll follow you if you're funny or interesting. This ain't 7th grade
A Kardashian in the hand is worth two in the...Oh icky icky...Can't finish. Must go wash out my brain now
I'm a morning person, just not in this time zone.
Red Bull, even one Red Bull, is too much for a beagle puppy. Waaaaay to much.
#1 on my bucket list -- Get bucket.
#FF Follow me Friday. So...Follow me.
Other person: Well, that kitchen ain't gonna clean itself. Me: Can we wait a bit longer and see if it might?
Never end a job interview with 'fist bump?'
Due to the NFL lock-out the Minnesota Vikings will not be playing football this year. Same as last year.
Also - Not everybody loves Raymond.
Today's Betty homemaker tip: If you cannot housebreak a puppy, don't have children.
Whatever the opposite of OCD is? I have that.
A man in a kilt should use care when crossing a barb wire fence.
My favorite piece of advice today: Don't. Lick. That.
New rule: No salad dressing that's pre- 2007. #cleanoutthefridge
Note: most illegal fireworks are purchased by beer-drinking uncles. Natch.
The twitter feed for my book and site -- Advice I Should Have taken ( AdviceIShouldHaveTaken.com ) Look for daily funny advice, tips and humor.