Just heard that the football guy was found guilty on 45 counts of kid diddling.

@ericmsantos So a migrant teen has found a way to improve ballistics? Sounds about right...

@ericmsantos No other questions. And yes, I take reddit and porn very seriously.

All fines issued via SOPA/PIPA should be forwarded to Al Gore. I mean he did invent the damn Internet...

My thoughts on Kodak filing for bankruptcy: "GARGLE ON MY NUT-SACK -- YOU FUCKING FASCISTS!"

Someone took my regular seat in my Chemistry class. It must really be Columbus Day.

Ages ago I left a dvd of The Sixth Sense on our tv counter when we had family over and it disappeared. #nevertrustfamily

If you have trouble with quitting smoking, I suggest you try some Yerba Mate. One of the best teas ever! Helps get the edge off.

When a gay man checks me out, I take it as a compliment; unless he thinks I'm a bear, then I'm offended.

Having breakfast/lunch by myself. #foreveralone

We wouldn't need so many trees if we just blocked the sun.

I question the credibility of any college whose website requires students to use Internet Explorer to "properly" access their accounts.

Now that the women's world cup is over, the players can go back to being globally opressed women from all over the world.

My father left for a meet/lunch with my sister and her chemistry associates. Gonna go slam the door 50 times as loud as i want. #treeoflife

I always get the fat hitchhiking ghost when riding the doom buggy past the large mirrors on the Haunted Mansion ride at Disneyland.

Where were YOU when stupid, fat people destroyed your right to order super size fries?

It's funny how I only believe in global warming during the summer.