Oops I almost starred your tweet.

- Some asshole

When I see you retweet the tweets that I retweeted, it makes me feel I did the right thing.

I sometimes tweet in English to make sure you all know I'm not funny in English either.

My love for you was true until I enlarged your avi.

To that someone who followed and then unfollowed me after I followed her back: May that German satellite fall on you.

How I get stars
1) Star the fuck out of other people
2) RT the fuck out of other people
3) Post my own unfunny to mediocre tweets

From the way I star your tweets, I can tell that I want you to star mine.

Tokyo subway's poster: "Please consider the people around you when you consider eating/drinking on the train." They encourage cannibalism.

As a Japanese, I'm so proud that another Japanese word seems to have become part of the English vocabulary: bukkake.

If there's someone from the future coming to terminate me, that's probably myself.

Come on, I haven't got all day!

- Someone who's got all day

We don't need to follow some of you cuz someone else RTs your good stuff for us.

Oh, I could say that in fewer words...

- Me, after posting almost every tweet

I like Twitter because I can blame all my pervertedness on it.

Be careful what you tweet cuz I might star you.

My dick accidentally got out of my underwear in the office today. Maybe I should wear pants too tomorrow.

If I were a cyborg, I'd take off my back, put it in front of me & scratch it.

No I don't hate my boss. It's just that I wish his toilet paper was sand paper.

1 mo ago Roomie & I made a rule: If u pick the last kleenex, u go get a new box in the cabinet. We've been staring at the last tissue since.

My boss is a bitch except when she's a cunt.