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It's weird being an atheist Christian my whole life and then suddenly finding out I've also been an atheist Jew this entire time
Dude with a mustache just say next to me at the bar and said "I don't bite" which seems like something a biter would want me to believe.
I know your beard is supposed to be ironic, but you sincerely have cupcake crumbs stuck in it.
I just paid $7 for a short-boy of PBR. I don't deserve love.
Congratulations to our nation's graduates for being done with the part of life in which success is based on merit!
Celebrating Pete Townshend's birthday in the traditional ways: leaping, windmilling the arms, not getting fooled again, etc.
if you saw the typo i deleted and fixed please inform me of this via twitter’s mention feature
just saw a mini cooper with a bumper sticker that said “blogger on board.” i kinda figured, dude
HEY THE MOVIE BIG YOU ENDED WAY TOO SOON I AM NOT DONE EXPLORING YOUR WORLD.
I've slumped in my chair so much I have NO IDEA what my balls + penis r doing or even if they're ok or where they are. I might be in trouble
Siri just corrected my "Syria" to "Siri a" and that's where we're at as a nation
All of my political beliefs are just bumper stickers I have recently seen