My other asked if I could get the oil changed bc I am "working from home" today. He doesn't understand how busy I am mocking him on twitter

My 5yo just beat me at trouble and said " how does it feel to be a loser mom?" I told him to ask his dad, he's a pro.

My other told me that he doesn't feel like we are in the right place to have sex. I wasn't suggesting we do it on the baby's race car bed

Other had to work super secret overtime tonight. I think I'm supposed to feel suspicious or angry. I feel single and happy #amideadinside?

Today's work at home plan=get more twitter followers, may use boobs or bacon, haven't decided strategy yet #thisiswhatproductivitylookslike

Must I spend hours being trained to be a fuck up like the rest of my coworkers? I've been a pro at fucking up since I got knocked up at 19.

Last time I was in the this state I fucked the hottest guy ever until my nose bled, so far today I have ate fries with a twitchy eye fat guy

Watched hubs take IQ test on a job app, I now understand why he won't fuck me, if I were that dumb I would stick w/blonde tramps too

If that fat girl reminds me one more time that sometimes it lasts in love but sometimes it hurts instead, this car is hitting a pedestrian

Glad to be back home so I can get some much needed *work done.

*tweeting and porn viewing

Not appropriate responses to I love you:
Thanks
I appreciate you too
Shhh put this in your mouth
I love you too Sara (that's not my name)

I've bought 0 presents for #Christmas, no tree, no lights, no decorations, anyone think this may be a symptom of my being a dead inside cunt

Broken hearts fucking suck. No joke there but I will use the remaining of the 140 characters to remind you I have great boobs and love bacon

My mood swing retweet got me 4 antidepressant bots as followers...where does depression hurt? Not in my follower count.

Wonder if a bj and a bacon pizza adequately Say "I am sorry for being a psychotic bitch last week" or do we need boobie pics??

I was going to say something inspirational but all I've got is a joke about boobs and bacon so I am climbing back into my blanket coccoon.

Does this nervous breakdown make my ass look big? Yes this is a trick question, either way you answer I am going to cry uncontrollably.

After parading around the hit tub naked I left my hotel room door open and blasted porn as an invite, still no sex, that was strong pizza

Oh he meant we weren't emotionally in the right place, knew the race car bed wasn't the issue, him and sis-in-whore fuck there all the time

"@covertkittykat: wear pjs with roosters on them because I don't want my vagina to forget what it's like to have a cock near it#married life