Oh fuck off with your attitude, bitch. I have a vagina too, and my vagina could totally kick your vagina's ass.

Thinking of getting a tattoo of a staircase on my inner thigh with the caption "Stairway to Heaven".

I'm afraid I have a drinking problem, I don't have one in my hand.

Someone somewhere has had sex with Carrot Top. Disturbing.

If you've ever forgotten why you're driving mid-trip, we should totally be friends.

I made a typo but didn't immediately delete and repost because that's how gangsta I am, bitches.

I refer to my monthly break-out as my "pimps acting a fool".

I'm concerned by the fact that I actually understand, and can somewhat relate to, the things you people are saying.

I hope you shit yourself.

I'm thankful for this fat bowl I'm about to smoke this morning.

Oh shit, I just remembered.. I don't need to fucking impress you! So.. fuck you, in the face.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and they must be right because my heart has grown fonder of your absence.

I'm supposed to kill myself after admitting I like the 'Boyfriend' song from that Bieber girl, right?

Sweetie, if he's keeping his options open, don't be one of them.

Your face; do something about that shit.

The most sensitive of all dinosaurs is the Clitoris.

Maybe if your vagina wasn't so big and gaping I wouldn't have lost my patience, bitch.

If you're a stoner and you know it, pack a bong.

Hello unexplained fabulous mood, this can't end well.

If I wasn't so creeped out, I might be flattered by your intentions to wear my skin.