Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
We used to call "swag" being "full of shit" in the old days.
I cut my cell phone bill in half, but the lady at Verizon said I might as well tape the two pieces together and pay up. #fb
In fairytales, the house lands on the witch. In real life, the witch gets the land and the house.
I like to favorite tweets that are at least 1 year old. I visualize you sitting at the screen, thinking when the hell did I say THAT?
We need a name for people who wear Google glasses and are doing something else while talking to you. Hmmm … Wait. I have it: glassholes.
Not all serial killers are loners. Many follow other people on Twitter. People like you, maybe.
What a coincidence that Dave Matthews joined a band that bore the same name.
Remember when getting shagged meant nailing a stringy carpet to your floor instead of just nailing a stringy carpet?
Oldest woman in the world dies. Why does this keep happening?
A true mobile device would walk across the room when you needed it.
Judging from the Black Friday videos taken at Walmarts throughout the land, World Cup soccer fans know a sale when they see it.
Social media has overtaken porn as the No. 1 activity on the web. Shit, this really is a sick society.
About 5% of all U.S. potatoes become French fries at McDonald's. I assume the other 95% is used by Twitter users who drink vodka.
My job is to make you laugh. Sure, Congress does a better job at it, but I don't tax you for it.
Scientists: Couples do start to look alike as they age. *Moment of silence for Steve Buscemi's wife*
Has anybody heard from Sloopy recently? Was she able to hang on all these years?
I won't name names, but only because I can't remember them.
I think it’s backwards. I’d rather be aggressive-passive. Beat someone’s face to a pulp, then walk away like I’m not mad.
Writer with a personal experiences book: Damaged Right Out Of The Box on http://Amazon.com. Well, we all have to have our excuses . . .