Favstar gets even better if you sign in.
We used to call "swag" being "full of shit" in the old days.
I cut my cell phone bill in half, but the lady at Verizon said I might as well tape the two pieces together and pay up. #fb
In fairytales, the house lands on the witch. In real life, the witch gets the land and the house.
I like to favorite tweets that are at least 1 year old. I visualize you sitting at the screen, thinking when the hell did I say THAT?
We need a name for people who wear Google glasses and are doing something else while talking to you. Hmmm … Wait. I have it: glassholes.
I hate people who recite Beatles' lyrics to me when I find myself in times of trouble.
What a coincidence that Dave Matthews joined a band that bore the same name.
Not all serial killers are loners. Many follow other people on Twitter. People like you, maybe.
Remember when getting shagged meant nailing a stringy carpet to your floor instead of just nailing a stringy carpet?
A true mobile device would walk across the room when you needed it.
Oldest woman in the world dies. Why does this keep happening?
I'm afraid to look up phobias on Wikipedia.
Judging from the Black Friday videos taken at Walmarts throughout the land, World Cup soccer fans know a sale when they see it.
Social media has overtaken porn as the No. 1 activity on the web. Shit, this really is a sick society.
About 5% of all U.S. potatoes become French fries at McDonald's. I assume the other 95% is used by Twitter users who drink vodka.
When she left never to return again, he finally won the I-love-you-more argument.
My job is to make you laugh. Sure, Congress does a better job at it, but I don't tax you for it.
Writer with a personal experiences book: Damaged Right Out Of The Box (http://amzn.to/1lK5BY2). Well, we all have to have our excuses . . .