My girlfriend is being such a bitch, shes all like "I have to go out with my husband tonight"

i need a facebook girl on the street and twitter girl in the bed

Just checked facebook, apparently its nice outside and everybody likes this.

that Ed Hardy shirt will pay for itself in no time with all the not having to buy condoms

She will forgive you for acting like an Idiot she won't forgive you for not acting like a man

being single is so tough, i guess i'll go do whatever i want now without having to answer to anyone :( *sigh*

cant find the right card that says your vagina smells funny im breaking up with you :( so i wrote it on her Facebook wall :)

Its not that I'm needy I just can't get enough of you

You can be a bad ass motherfucker and a gentleman at the same time.

I'm going to star fuck you so hard your going to need a wheelchair to go make me a sandwich

I know I'm getting drunk when I start to like people.

Somtimes "you are so fucking sexy" is just the perfect thing to say

The nicest girls star the dirtiest Tweets.

Sex is the leading cause of hair pulling

Sometimes you should date a twenty year old to remind you why you should be dating a thirty year old.

this is the worst dating site ever.

Dating tip: shut the fuck up and kiss her!

dear Plenty Of Fish, Time to clean out the tank. love Chris.

I do everything wrong but you. I do you right.

On a scale of 1 to 10 please let me go down on you