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What do Mohawk Honda and I have in common? We'll go out of our way to please you. #ladies
Dear Michelle Duggar,
"Does your vagina hang low? Does it wobble to and fro? You should have tied it in a knot or scrunched it in a bow."
If I were to translate my status in life into food, I'd be a steuffers frozen chicken parm dinner and flat orange soda.
For Halloween this year, I'm going as someone who gives a fuck.
Hypothesis: the more wine I drink, the faster the floors will dry.
Siri, where's waldo?
Capitalization is the difference between: I helped my Uncle Jack off a horse, and I helped my uncle jack off a horse.
Bucket list item #2: find a job that isn't a grocery store.
I wonder if Carmen Sandiego is on 4Square.
Do you ever rub your calf to your thigh and pretend you're a cricket? Hahahahah...yea...me neither.
Tonight is brought to you by: self pity. Making you feel better since 1989.
Giving a fuck is the leading cause of stress in today's society.