If you sleep with a foot or hand hanging off the bed a scary clown from under the bed will eat it. #Science

Let's face it. At this point, the Mayan Apocalypse would be a breath of fresh air.

Looks like all the rapey candidates are being shut down by women. Forcibly and legitimately.

Fox News is blaming a possible Romney loss on Sandy. Which would be weird since climate change doesn't exist.

CONGRATS @tammybaldwin FIRST OPENLY GAY US SENATOR!!

I was thinking of getting a Chris Brown tattoo but my body already has an asshole.

John Edwards cheated on his dying wife, had a child and lied about it. Thank God North Carolina has protected marriage from the gays.

There's a cure for homophobia : GROW UP.

If that new Argentinian Pope doesn't sing Don't Cry For Me Argentina from that balcony I'll sue.

LOVE IS LOVE. EQUALITY NOW. pic.twitter.com/zPQlJ55X0k

Kirk Cameron and Santorum need to know I am destroying civilization by being today's carpool dad for 3 kids in my son's class.

If Obama wins Florida I'm sending everyone who waited in line 9 hours an edible arrangement .

Ann Romney said "You People" to a black news woman on GMA? Isn't this the part of the movie where Oprah has to drive her home?

2 million LGBT peeps interested in adoption. 100,000 kids in foster care need homes . Let's do this!  http://raiseachild.us/our-events/ 

Newt Gingrich is an adulterer who's been married three times but gays are ruining traditional marriage. Got it.

Bristol Palin's just jealous because I'm actually married to the father of my baby.

Mourdock loses . It's God's will.

What terrifying hoodie REALLY looks like. http://t.co/vVXWqMwp

"I love my gay friends but I'm voting for Romney" is the new "Some Of My Best Friends Are Black".

CONGRATS Gabby Douglas: 1st African American and 4th American to win all around Gold at the Olympics! So PLS STFU ABOUT HER HAIR.