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Ooh, there's a guy smoking an e-cigarette at the bus stop, I better undo another button on my blouse.
Crows are probably smart enough to start a petition to change their name to Licorice Doves.
If I had a helicopter 1) I would paint it like a seagull 2) it would have a special door on it to drop garbage bags of milk out of it.
I lined a box with a soft towel and put it in the back yard in case any sort of momma animal wants to have any sort of baby animal in it .
Tina Fey is pregnant!!! I hope she is pregnant with me and then she will be my mommy!
Seriously- I am a Doctor Of Love so you should let me touch your wiener with this stick I found in the wood pile. Yes, that is a slug on it.
I just want all the men out there to know that women don't smile when they put on deodorant.
Hypothetically, how many raccoons would make a really good raccoon choir? What if I, hypothetically, already had three who sing beautifully?
Remember when the media was treating Jessica Simpson like a meat pig but now she's back to being a sexual hole to pummel? Life is good.
I've double checked and everything is dumb and everybody is stupid.
Do they say stuff in naked movies like "Would the genlteman like to see the Frau's undercarriage"? tell me everything? Do they mouth kiss?
Let me guess your pets weight by picking them up and burying my face in their neck and crying.
When you are really close with someone, when there is real trust, and no secrets, you can ask them if they think zombies could really happen
If you have a crush on someone, write their name on a slip of paper, roll it up tightly, and put it in your butt.
I had poutine for dinner so if i get eaten by a shark tonight & they open his stomach, and then they see me and open my stomach=poutine.
I just take pictures of food to make two of my friends, who hate it when people take pictures of food, angry. It's incredibly rewarding .
It's almost impossible not to tell my 11 year old neice that she is very boring.
The farting is coming from inside the house