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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Ooh, there's a guy smoking an e-cigarette at the bus stop, I better undo another button on my blouse.

    • 1,410
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    shorthand206ehazen17mlbarnbyschloranticsgerpettingurdogcouncilmanjammgabriellejwhite
    • 591
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    stet31Ganja_GaidenThugpreetAskATruckDriverTombrewsmonstrosaurusginnasteveIts_Ssmith
  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Crows are probably smart enough to start a petition to change their name to Licorice Doves.

    • 225
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    _Miss_CaraBabetteJonesdenzquixabedulergregg_mcCrappy_Face_PicMensHumidoryoyoha
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    • RETWEETS
    BabetteJonessassysamiralettuce_fetishperiferierironisktvitMThunderpowerDanofreemanatyodickerson
    robdelaney
  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    If I had a helicopter 1) I would paint it like a seagull 2) it would have a special door on it to drop garbage bags of milk out of it.

    • 245
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    • 128
    • RETWEETS
    whata_scummymanAyyyOhhhhNeutrontrilogyJames_CyprusBUTTLORDPRIMUSjwigdufromageburnettski92FeliciaOnFire
    paul_shinn
  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I lined a box with a soft towel and put it in the back yard in case any sort of momma animal wants to have any sort of baby animal in it .

    • 201
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    denzquixgregg_mcCrappy_Face_Picyoyohapaul_shinnllvvzzPhilDarnowskynatalijakae
    • 164
    • RETWEETS
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    claysummers
  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Tina Fey is pregnant!!! I hope she is pregnant with me and then she will be my mommy!

    • 83
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    • 115
    • RETWEETS
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Seriously- I am a Doctor Of Love so you should let me touch your wiener with this stick I found in the wood pile. Yes, that is a slug on it.

    • 113
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    scottsimpsonCrappy_Face_Picegyptian_shumbaerkihllvvzzmerrymargaretTHE_REAL_MIKE_Hlaurenricecakes
    • 76
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    brettwmorrisyo_thanlandnvalvo_stellarironisktvitFemboticserispieBangbangNikLangTurbeetle
  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Hypothetically, how many raccoons would make a really good raccoon choir? What if I, hypothetically, already had three who sing beautifully?

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    1ReadMyMind1__banjoninjajasonwatkinspdxRachelRockawaymeetartony_hickssMERILSENsydnegold7
    • 89
    • RETWEETS
    FuchsiariusalyssaharadvrubasyddogchvilicekKennyDrake13mikeroll14mechloeenglish5kellycheyennexo
  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I've double checked and everything is dumb and everybody is stupid.

    • 71
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    nenillasCrappy_Face_PicBooky_McReaderegyptian_shumbaesjhanezLilyBean_16somani_anujKatarinaKriz
    • 38
    • RETWEETS
    EricRMurphyesjhanezironisktvitZayneSHalsallkkatnipneedychickSpaceRabb1tspice_creep
  • AliciaATobin
    • 61
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    denzquixRowdyBowdentheonlybortolinxXsafehouseXxjesloyaPelgridgeBryanBaballcamillepauly
    • 46
    • RETWEETS
    IngridFaonBryanBaballDennyLiicamillepaulyalexdimmDowellMcMollyerinvanmolMetalNED
  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Do they say stuff in naked movies like "Would the genlteman like to see the Frau's undercarriage"? tell me everything? Do they mouth kiss?

    • 76
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Let me guess your pets weight by picking them up and burying my face in their neck and crying.

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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    When you are really close with someone, when there is real trust, and no secrets, you can ask them if they think zombies could really happen

    • 48
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    Crappy_Face_Picrobdelaneyegyptian_shumbaButtBossllvvzzthetobbieMsPicklesbeeSplendiferocity
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    kagzwelldownboy_BurritoBottoms__Becca8790AnnBivolentgussoRgriebeohcordelia
  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I had poutine for dinner so if i get eaten by a shark tonight & they open his stomach, and then they see me and open my stomach=poutine.

    • 67
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    • 8
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I just take pictures of food to make two of my friends, who hate it when people take pictures of food, angry. It's incredibly rewarding .

    • 34
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    It's almost impossible not to tell my 11 year old neice that she is very boring.

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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    The farting is coming from inside the house

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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I am seriously considering buying a donkey I just saw for sale for 50$. Cool transportation, friendship, and ear so softs for only 50$?

    • 44
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I have a flesh tone fanny pack. With no zipper. That I made myself, by eating cookies.

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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    "Wow- they could totally fall over right now"- Me regarding all sports in the Olympics and all other sports. You guys are gonna fall over.

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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Can anybody recommend the best type of bird to make a small sailor suit for and a tiny cap? I started on owls but they each tried to kill me

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@AliciaATobin

@AliciaATobin

I am a comedian. I like animals and snacks.