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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Gift @AliciaATobin Favstar Pro to unlock their best tweet!Gift them Pro!

    • 1,457
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    • 604
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Crows are probably smart enough to start a petition to change their name to Licorice Doves.

    • 556
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    • 417
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    If I had a helicopter 1) I would paint it like a seagull 2) it would have a special door on it to drop garbage bags of milk out of it.

    • 424
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    • 170
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    If you leave the house you'll almost instantly find someone you hate more than yourself!

    • 347
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    • 144
    • RETWEETS
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    There should be a YouTube compilation of the expressions on women's faces when they discover a dress they are trying on also has pockets.

    • 317
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    movementmusei_Youtube1NinjaPizzaRadioclairesibbicksocialreprodromitgrrlmargarishnessBeaa_Pereira
    • 146
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    No one ever mentions how being brave, honest, compassionate and doing your best, is fucking exhausting. *rips open cookies"

    • 301
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    • 148
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I lined a box with a soft towel and put it in the back yard in case any sort of momma animal wants to have any sort of baby animal in it .

    • 203
    • LIKES
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    After a glass of wine she whispered into his ear "my pelvis is out of alignment" and winked so hard that her eyebrow fell off.

    • 257
    • LIKES
    constantlyjoshTommiTikallgigglegirlnoelladipshitplzoh_shit_dat_boiSmalls457meghanlomaniaccBreezysphotos
    • 66
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Happy Valentines day! I hope you are not in a relationship built on lies!

    • 241
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    • 67
    • RETWEETS
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I'm here to tell you that not caring about the Oscars is a great feeling.

    • 202
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    • 63
    • RETWEETS
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    What is the German word for when you think you see a mini pig going for a walk but when you get closer it is just a fat chihuahua?

    • 183
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    • 49
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    "I LOVE YOU" she screamed internally as she watched the soft, fat, yellow lab puppy sloppily walk away.

    • 159
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    • 48
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Tina Fey is pregnant!!! I hope she is pregnant with me and then she will be my mommy!

    • 85
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I am guessing we had no idea that the internet would hurt our feelings so much right?

    • 135
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Seriously- I am a Doctor Of Love so you should let me touch your wiener with this stick I found in the wood pile. Yes, that is a slug on it.

    • 115
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Oh, I can assure you I can't use that in my next comedy "skit".

    • 156
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    • 34
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    What time should I get off social media by so it looks like I made plans tonight?

    • 134
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    Hypothetically, how many raccoons would make a really good raccoon choir? What if I, hypothetically, already had three who sing beautifully?

    • 98
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    I just want all the men out there to know that women don't smile when they put on deodorant.

    • 142
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  • AliciaATobin
      Alicia Tobin @AliciaATobin

    people with dogs have a social obligation to let people without dogs pet their dogs and whisper into their ears "You are the softest".

    • 137
    • LIKES
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@AliciaATobin

@AliciaATobin

Comedian. Co-ghost of Retail Nightmares Podcast. Host of Alicia Tobin's Come Draw with Me. Holistic Nutritionist. Regretful omnivore.

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