I am going to open a restaurant called COOTERS and hire women with huge puffy vaginas.

I just got back from walmart. I better not find my picture on the internet.

Today I am sporting a pair of granny panties all the way up to my tits. It feels like a hug from Jesus.

I'm about to start my period. My tits feel like 100 pound concrete blocks attached to my body with a staple. Fuck all of you.

Haven't been on Twitter for a while. Since I'm just sitting here with liquid fire shooting out of my ass, I thought I would say hi.

Peas porridge hot. peas porridge cold. Peas porridge in my twat, pussy full of mold.

I think I'm going to sell my eggs for money and laugh when a bunch of people have fat, retarded babies with lip hair.

I have on a super capacity maxi pad to catch my unfertilized baby drippings while I sleep.

Hey cum bubbles, I just wiped & a long brown string-like object came out of my meat wallet. Probably an old condom from the 90's.

Farting violently at work so the others look around the room to see who moved furniture is something I take great pride in.

Just got back from the store. My son and I were fart bombing aisles then running away. Operation clone yourself...complete.

Fuck this fat roll! I can't see my fish box good enough to pop this ingrown hair.

My undies stretched out as the day went on. I have a full thong in the front. Looks like bigfoot wearing a black hat.

How can one ear of corn turn into a toilet full? Amazing. Mysterious. Epic.

If I starred one of your tweets this morning, I did it while poop was sliding out of my butt. It's like a brown star-worth more I think.

You know when you squeeze the side of your nose and all those blackheads come out like little treasures from Jesus. That.

Almost shit my pants on the way to the bathroom. I guess my turdsnipper is stuck gaping open like Steven tylers mouth.

Freckles are really scars from Jesus trying to stab you as a fetus for carrying redhead dna. Satan won.

Just coughed on the toilet & my uterus fell out. Can't get pregnant now,so let's see how much jizz I can hold in my beef wallet.

Anyone else on here have a fat vagina that sometimes accidentally claps when you sit down real fast?